Thursday, November 12

okay colette, let's get going



So I am there.
I am at the point when I am starting to feel too big,too full of baby.
I am tired of having to say "mo sugu"(very soon) when strangers and friends ask about the baby.
I am tired of having them put their hands on my belly and say "ookii!" (big) in surprise. Like they couldn't believe their eyes so they resort to touch. I have an infant inside of me, it is supposed to be big.

I hate that pregnancies last for so long then at the end the baby is suddenly supposed to just arrive. Suddenly I am in a container, and after two and a half weeks, I will be pressed against the wall. All sorts of worst-case scenerios begin to be discussed. Here they do heartbeat monitoring once you reach full-term and every visit I lay down with discs strapped to my belly so that I can listen to Colette's galloping horses. It is not a big deal but the nurse always thinks that the heartbeat is too slow (which it is not, I checked) so she tries to wake up the baby by shaking my belly. I don't like this. I don't like being shaken, or that my baby who is a night owl is being shaken, or the implication that something is wrong. Expectant mothers already imagine the worst. I don't need the nurse to furrow her eyebrows when she looks at the monitor. I would also like certain things taken into account. Like how my own blood pressure is registering as being low (they had to take it five times today to get a good reading). There is nothing wrong but if doubt starts to creep into the minds of health professionals, then they start to take preventative action that might not be necessary. I don't like that.

So, yes, I am at the end. It has been a lovely pregnancy, very calm and healthy. But I am ready to move on. I have a bundle of clothes and blankets and I want my baby in them, not in me.

I have been nesting so that is a good sign. My nesting comes in the form of getting as much homework completed as possible. The homework cycle will not end until mid-December so I can only do my best to keep on top of it now. I worry that I am delaying her birth because of homework. Then I worry that I worry too much.

So come on Colette, it is time to get this show on the road.

Let's hope that next week, you will not see a belly up there but a baby.
Hope you are all doing well. Thanks for letting me vent a bit. I feel better.
Take care.
XOXO

6 comments:

kayla said...

Oh, Tiffany. I know where you're coming from. Don't let the nurse worry you. Your body knows what it's doing, and Collete will be here before you know it. I'll be thinking of you, hoping for a smooth delivery!

kayla said...

sorry I spelled Colette wrong--that's just my careless typing!

Anonymous said...

Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and baby...Just keep taking those deep breaths and let all those annoyances wash over you and off your back. Hugs to you and the rug rats.
Liz

MishaLee said...

It feels like months ago that I was were you are, but it'll just be 6 weeks on Monday 11/16. I was feeling so pressured to 'pop' my husband wisked me away for a day of just the two of us...we had our baby the next day. In the last weeks there was discussion of baby being too big, c-section, etc... I had my 10#10oz. little boy all natural and everything was wonderful. Keep up those happy thoughts and stand your ground for what you do and don't want. Best wishes Mama!

Anonymous said...

thinking of you...it will all be perfect. sending love and strength, heather

amie said...

sending all of my love and energy to you. i cannot wait to see what a key/stockdale baby girl actually looks like! i want to hear everything...when that time comes! i am so excited. hopefully we'll know what this little peanut is going to be in a few weeks. good luck and i love you!