Thursday, November 12
okay colette, let's get going
So I am there.
I am at the point when I am starting to feel too big,too full of baby.
I am tired of having to say "mo sugu"(very soon) when strangers and friends ask about the baby.
I am tired of having them put their hands on my belly and say "ookii!" (big) in surprise. Like they couldn't believe their eyes so they resort to touch. I have an infant inside of me, it is supposed to be big.
I hate that pregnancies last for so long then at the end the baby is suddenly supposed to just arrive. Suddenly I am in a container, and after two and a half weeks, I will be pressed against the wall. All sorts of worst-case scenerios begin to be discussed. Here they do heartbeat monitoring once you reach full-term and every visit I lay down with discs strapped to my belly so that I can listen to Colette's galloping horses. It is not a big deal but the nurse always thinks that the heartbeat is too slow (which it is not, I checked) so she tries to wake up the baby by shaking my belly. I don't like this. I don't like being shaken, or that my baby who is a night owl is being shaken, or the implication that something is wrong. Expectant mothers already imagine the worst. I don't need the nurse to furrow her eyebrows when she looks at the monitor. I would also like certain things taken into account. Like how my own blood pressure is registering as being low (they had to take it five times today to get a good reading). There is nothing wrong but if doubt starts to creep into the minds of health professionals, then they start to take preventative action that might not be necessary. I don't like that.
So, yes, I am at the end. It has been a lovely pregnancy, very calm and healthy. But I am ready to move on. I have a bundle of clothes and blankets and I want my baby in them, not in me.
I have been nesting so that is a good sign. My nesting comes in the form of getting as much homework completed as possible. The homework cycle will not end until mid-December so I can only do my best to keep on top of it now. I worry that I am delaying her birth because of homework. Then I worry that I worry too much.
So come on Colette, it is time to get this show on the road.
Let's hope that next week, you will not see a belly up there but a baby.
Hope you are all doing well. Thanks for letting me vent a bit. I feel better.