Sunday, February 2

Hi there.

ただいま。
It's been too long, I know.

What can I say, I have been duking it out with Life these last few months and my exertions have left me bruised and speechless. I suppose I could have shared the dismal play-by-plays with you but there is enough bad news floating around this planet. Silence seemed the better choice.

Leaving Japan like we did, suddenly and reluctantly, was traumatic. Arriving here in America to camp in my childhood home while being underpaid and underemployed was depressing. Figuring out how to homeschool four precocious bilingual children was overwhelming. And then there were all the outside factors. The family illnesses, the lousy mechanics, the death of a friend.

Silence became my comfort but it was also smothering me so that I could not speak up for myself anymore. I felt like I could no longer come here to this space where I could be American-Japanese. I had to be completely American and leave Japan behind not only physically but mentally as well. I had to settle down into mediocrity and look forward to the day when I could again manage to pay my own utility bills. I had to gain forty pounds and apply for food stamps.

I'm done with that.

Last year was the toughest year on record for me and mine. We made it through but just barely.
We are grateful for all the support from our family and friends over these last few months. We know it was an unexpected strain on everyone and we will make it up to all of you eventually.

That year is now over. The horse is crushing the snake under her hooves as I type this.
Such a good image.

If nothing else, coming back has been very therapeutic for me. I have had to face so much of my past, so much of me here. It has not been easy but I feel ready now for what is ahead. And I can tell you, there is much to prepare for in this year.

Thanks again for your patience and support. I won't disappear like that again.
よろしくお願いします。



1 comment:

Suzy said...

I was just thinking about you this week, and wondering how you were doing. It's funny, this blogging, how you can follow people's stories on and off for years. I missed knowing what you were up to. Sorry to hear it's been so tough. I hope 2014 brings you everything you need.