gu choki pa

(37)

2012-02-06T08:14:00.002+09:00

I took the boys out yesterday morning without their sister or father. Since I work on Saturdays and they go to school during the week, Sundays are our only day together. So most Sundays I make the attempt to have a little date with my guys. And since I like to draw and they like to draw, I always fill my bag with the most important art supplies (though they just like to draw with pencils right now). All of the kids have stacks of their own drawing pads and most mornings when they wake earlier than breakfast, I will walk into their room to see them busy on their newest works. Sebastian has gotten more detailed lately, and has started to really look at his subject. Yesterday he drew lots of pigeons (we were at a park) and expressed his frustration/amazement with how his drawings had to keep changing to keep up with their movement. I also taught him how to blend colors with pastels and charcoal and showed him the difference between the hard and soft pastels. Nico, as you can see, is still going through his face period, which is terrific since his faces are so intricate and interesting.

All in all, it was a very good date, even there was still a lot of snow on the ground.

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2012-02-05T05:16:00.002+09:00

(Sebastian's school, under snow...)

After fretting and fretting over what I was going to do with myself for this upcoming year off, I had an epiphany. Studying Japanese will be my core focus. Everything else I do now has less pressure and can be done for pleasure, something I rarely allow for myself. Being proficient in Japanese will open doors for us here and I will wait until after I have achieved that state to worry about what lies beyond. This may seem like an obvious answer yet for me and my little anxious mind, it is hard to have such clarity about my direction. I want to do everything and have a hard time accepting the limitations of time. By studying a language that I love, I hope that I will develop a better respect for time including those limitations I fight against all the time (to no avail).

So now, at 5:30 on a Sunday morning, I am walking away from the computer where I was looking up things that happened in my dreams and going to the kitchen table, where a stack of books awaits me. First, I need to make a cup of tea (お茶).

Have a lovely weekend!

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2012-02-03T21:15:00.002+09:00

Snow days and icy streets here in Nagoya. The country has been hit by the worst cold snap in a decade and it isn't pretty. We are fine here in central Japan but up north people are really suffering. Avalanches, houses collapsing, the elderly trapped inside because their doors are frozen shut. Very grim. And on top of it there is a flu epidemic sweeping the nation with over 1.5 million people falling victim to the virus in the past two weeks. No wonder the news is happy to report the anticipated cherry blossom blooming schedule. Spring is looking rather sweet right now.

(Small red bean bread made to look like oni (demons))

We celebrated the turning of the seasons today with a little in-house demon confrontation. Sebastian was reading a Setsubun picture book to his brother and sister when all of a sudden the lights went out. And then there was a low growling coming from the kitchen... Luckily mama had a bowl of beans nearby. Out with the demons, in with good fortune! 鬼は外,福は内！

This video gives you a better glimpse of one of my favorite holidays*

Setsubun at Yoshida Shrine 吉田の節分祭 from Michael McAteer on Vimeo.

(31)

2012-02-01T07:58:00.002+09:00

One month down and what do I have to show for it. Lots of sleep and cups of tea. Some ideas born, some ideas killed. But we've survived January without too many chills and sniffles. So that has to count for something. Let's bring on the next month.

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2012-01-30T16:51:00.002+09:00

I cannot blog and have a cold, it turns out. I am just not that talented. I can't bear to write about tissues and red eyes yet there was nothing else on my mind for the last week. I'm on the mend now so all is well.

I am also in the homestretch of time until my maternity leave starts (3/6!!). I'm dreadfully excited about it since it means more time with the kids and near constant access to the bathroom (I am pregnant, people). With Colette I had about four months of maternity leave which was great but since we were also in the process of moving cross-country and I was working on my MATESOL, it didn't leave much room for anything else.

So this coming YEAR of maternity seems absolutely rich with opportunities for working on all the things I never have time for as a full-time teacher. January has been my month for paring down the massive to-do list that I compulsively add to even when I say I want to keep it simple. I promised myself at the turn of the new year that I would focus my attention on just two core pursuits. Japanese had/has to be one of them since it goes along nicely with my promise that I would have a decent comprehension of the language by the time we renew our three year visas, which happens to be next year. So that leaves a slot for just one other thing. Writing? Drawing? Sewing? I have been struggling with this. I tried to make room for all three of them, but it made me tired and I ended up with a runny nose and a sore throat. I crossed out sewing, or at least sewing for a new shop. Meaning I crossed out a new shop too. I packed away my fabric and notions with a sad 'see you later'. They'll keep. And in March I will do some sewing for the new baby as well as back-to-school gear and some sundresses for Colette. So it isn't a complete farewell but it does clear my head.

Now to decide between drawing and writing. Writing is the likely winner but drawing for a year is very tempting. Writing is something I can do, given the time and a quiet space. Drawing is something I want to do. I want to write too but drawing is much easier to work on when surrounded by littles (see requirement above for writing). Unfortunately, it turns out that my clock only allows for 24 hours in each day and, like it or not, I need a fair amount of sleep. So I must choose wisely.

Of course, taking care of four kids is included in my calculations but at this point, mothering is like breathing or laughing. Very natural and I don't premeditate it (that much). Actively and consciously being creative is more challenging, so that is why I devote so much time and space here to consider how to do it properly.

So I will continue to consider the best course, doing both until the answer comes to me. Though, not trying to be impatient, I am hoping the answer isn't delayed as I really look forward to getting started on this gift that my little Luca has given me.

d

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2012-01-27T11:40:00.002+09:00

I've had a cold.
And I came up with the brilliant idea of waking up before 5 to write and study instead of staying up late.
Not in that order.

To make up for my lapse, I offer these blurred pictures of my growing belly. This little guy sits super high, making it impossible to eat things like curry or onions. I don't have many cravings other than a winter-related one for incessant cups of hot tea. Non-caffienated for the most part.

I have an idea about his name but it isn't 100 percent confirmed yet. The middle name will be Japanese and has a bit of Colette's name plus the season in which he is going to be born. The first name is popular in Europe (#1 in Switzerland). In katakana translates as a girl's name but is also a character in an anime that seems very popular here which sports one of my best friend's names in the title. If you are a nerd like me, I expect you to figure the name out and post it in the comments.

And whatever you do, do not tell me that I look huge. I am really not that big. For an American. It isn't fair to compare me to my Japanese counterparts who usually don't show until 9 months. Though I have seen some waddling mamas around here so I am not that uncommon.

Hope you are all well and warm. Take care.

(22)

2012-01-22T21:54:00.002+09:00

The sun was shining and I had the camera but I never took a picture.
It was a rare pre-Spring day today, making us remember what is in store when winter retreats for another year.

We did some errands downtown and I hung and folded laundry, scrubbed out the bathroom and shower room, and got everything sorted for tomorrow. Jason took Sebastian to see the Jackson Pollack exhibit at the Aichi Arts Center. Jason was impressed but Sebastian was more interested in the Pokemon Center next door. Of course. He is eight, after all.

Okay, I think it is time to snuggle with Colette who looks very snug on her sheepskin. I will have to figure out how to wean her from that so her little brother can sleep on it soon. She will be getting her very own futon in the coming months which is good since her long limbs don't leave much room for my bulging belly.

Good night, again.

(21)

2012-01-22T01:32:00.003+09:00

It has been rainy and cold.
More like February than January.
Maybe that is because it is almost February.

Why is the year speeding along so swiftly?

I won't even cheat with a photo from the archives today. Instead, I will hope that tomorrow brings sunshine so we can take our poor housebound kids outdoors so I can take some new photographs.

Right now, it is bed time. Good night.

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2012-01-20T21:52:00.001+09:00

I issued myself an ultimatum today.

(19)

2012-01-19T12:09:00.002+09:00

Thinking, thinking, and thinking some more.
Trying to stay on top of everything.
Trying to learn how to cut myself some slack.

Working on some new projects...
Learning from mistakes, and learning to value those lessons instead of discarding them in frustration...

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2012-01-18T20:12:00.002+09:00

Oh, beginning of work week, how you always ruin my good habits. I lost all of my energy outside of the classroom this week. Perhaps it is connected to the giant baby growing in my midsection. Must go find some tea now before the evening is a complete wash. Oh, great, that reminds me I need to take care of the laundry....

(15)

2012-01-16T13:08:00.003+09:00

Today I ended up with 1, 2, 3 kids at home. Ha ha ha ha! (I hope there are some Sesame Street fans in the audience tonight.)

We have had a mild stomach virus circulating amongst us. Colette was the lucky first (and Jason was the unlucky parent to be wearing her in the ergo baby when... well you have imaginations.) It hit me at the end of last week (though after months of 'morning' sickness, it is hard to distinguish the difference). The boys had their turn over the weekend. To be on the safe side, I called their schools this morning to announce (in broken Japanese) that they would be home for the day. This breaks Sebastian's perfect attendance record for the year but shoganai, ne.

Of course, there was no food in the house for an extra day of all-togetherness so I had to make a quick run for food, snacks, and coloring books. And since they missed their healthy school lunches, I had to provide the equivalent. Brown rice onigiri, braised hijiki, karaage chicken, and miso soup. They had a bowl of strawberry kanten as dessert and are now happily coloring and reading comic books in the next room.

It isn't the quiet Monday morning I had envisioned but it is always nice to have more time with the kids. I actually enjoy the chance to take care of them, all together. I know it may sound corny but it is a true honor to be a parent, even if it borders on servanthood sometimes. My payment is meager but seeing them chow down happily on their lunch after a night of vomit, vomit everywhere, is really quite enough for me.

Now, back to the laundry, the lingering souvenir of our pukey weekend. Hope you are all genki!
xo

(14)

2012-01-15T01:18:00.004+09:00

I reopened my fabric shop today. I am currently debating closing it again in a few months since I am not sure I can manage it with a newborn. I do enjoy the excuse to go to the fabric shop and I love connecting with fabric loving folks around the world. So I will give it careful thought.

I am planning to launch another Etsy shop in March, when my maternity leave begins. I am working on my inventory right now, cutting out linen and listening to Living on Earth. This new shop will be focused on family and small people's goods. I'll have more details later, closer to the opening day, March 7th.

Alrighty, I just noticed the time and now I feel very sleepy. (1.30 AM) I better put all the sharp needles and scissors away and hit the hay. Good night everyone.

xo

(13)

2012-01-13T17:23:00.003+09:00

You might have noticed that Colette appears here more than her elders. That has to do with the fact that Colette is the only weekday child for the time being. Most of our time outside the house with Colette is spent encouraging her to move faster or trying to keep up with her. Ever since I realized there would be a new occupant in the backpack/stroller, I knew it was necessary to wean her from such modes of transport. It is not a convenient option for us sometimes but she has taught us to slow (or quicken) our pace, making us more aware of the wonders to be found in a simple walk around the block. And at the same time she has reformed her own pace to keep mostly in stride with us and no longer jumps around in front of oncoming traffic. (Before you have a heart attack, let me clarify that when I say oncoming, it really means blocks away.) Now instead of feeling like a shepherdess when we go outside, I can enjoy the insights of our little pedestrians better.

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2012-01-13T09:04:00.002+09:00

This is what happens to me too when I have to take the train to work. Except I am not as cute.

(11)

2012-01-12T11:37:00.002+09:00

Here are some prototypes I am working on for my next big project:

The doll is actually a rattle and the design is based on the Japanese wooden kokeshi. I re-used a little plastic gumball case and put a few azuki beans in it for the rattle effect.

The block is part of my effort to use all the fabrics I have before buying new materials. I cut up enough squares for about five sets of three blocks. Fun and easy to make. Perfect thing to make if your hands need to make something but the clock says there isn't much time for creating.

Okay, that cute little one is now vocalizing her need for a nap. Take care.

(9) + (10)

2012-01-11T06:26:00.002+09:00

Cheating, I know, but I believe it should be forgiven. Tuesday morning was a hectic one, what with Nico and Sebastian headed back to school and myself headed back to a regular work schedule. It was a long work day for me and I came home exhausted, craving feta cheese and sleep. My new mantra; only two more months, only two more months. I think it will be a bit of a challenge though as this week I am sliding into the third trimester. It is possible I might have to give up bike commuting for a bit, just to save some energy. There is a lot to be done before April and I mean to do it. Except I am so sleepy all the time.

(8)

2012-01-09T12:06:00.003+09:00

By Nico...

My W.I.P.s...

(7)

2012-01-07T21:47:00.004+09:00

It is winter. All day long at work, or later grocery shopping, all I heard people talking about was how incredibly cold it was. We shouldn't be surprised, as it is January. Yet the two extreme seasons do have a knack of sneaking up on you. The mild beginnings make you drop your guard. You begin to look forward to the coming chill or heat, wondering why you complained so much about it last year. Then you remember, just as a strong gust of frozen air tries to knock you off your bike. This is what winter is.

Yet, I haven't complained so much about it this year. Not yet at least. You see, we have an apartment that is essentially snug and warm in the winter. If you know anything about Japanese apartments (or if you visit my old haunts for a reference), you know that typically it is colder inside that out in the winter. But not in this apartment. This most likely explains why I avoid ever leaving my house and moan fiercely if I have to go buy rice or go all the way to work. I am perfectly content to stay indoors, sipping on some rooibos tea with my feet secure in their leg warmer-slippers.

And staying indoors is good for our artistic pursuits as well. Sebastian and Nico have been churning out some amazing drawings lately featuring Nico the Superhero among a collection of Mario Brothers and pals. Jason's been back to work on his figures and I have had the sewing machine plugged all week. I will try and capture some of our creative output on film tomorrow. But for now, I think I will have another cup of tea.

I hope you are warm and well wherever you may be. Take care.
xoxo

(6)

2012-01-06T19:38:00.002+09:00

When I came home from my first day back, the littlest one was cranky and so I laid down with her. Before I knew it, I was surrounded by the whole gang.

(5)

2012-01-05T20:38:00.003+09:00

It was a good holiday. Not much was accomplished but we didn't have high hopes for vacation productivity at the start of it anyway. We did clean the house and ate good food and threw snowballs and read some books and played Mario Cart and stayed warm inside our little apartment. We had invitations to go visiting friends but issued rain checks for the sake of having some good, unhurried down time. We didn't bicker much, only at the beginning when we were getting used to being around each other so much again. Now we are all chums. The kids are such pals that whenever one is given a treat they go run to find the other to give it to. A big difference from the first few days when selfish tendencies were the norm, each child competing for my attention, the oft absent one. Now they feel secure again, the two weeks having replenished all that is stripped away during the rush of the work-school week.

Tomorrow I return to work. I will be busy teaching and preparing materials for the new teachers. Come March 6th, I will be on leave for over a year. I know that the year will be hectic and full of frowns and temper tantrums. These two weeks have given me a glimpse of the sweetness that is also in store for me during my time off. Knowing that I will have such a wonderful gift makes it a little easier to leave my warm nest tomorrow morning.

(4)

2012-01-04T19:04:00.003+09:00

Yesterday we went to our local Shinto shrine to exchange our hamaya and do a mellow version of hatsumode. Now we have our new dragon arrow hanging inside the door, warding off the demons but encouraging the good fortune to enter our little abode. We also picked up a little ceramic dragon bell to add to our collection. We are quite the menagerie come April: a snake, two goats, a dog, a cow, and a dragon.

(3)

2012-01-03T20:00:00.005+09:00

Today Sebastian and I made a run to the 100 yen shop for some supplies to make his winter holiday homework craft (a creature made of paper cups and rubber bands that jumps). Since I rarely get that much solo time with my oldest, I asked him the usual checking questions about his friends and studies, about his life in general. He told me that his favorite part of the school day was arts and crafts (second was P.E.). Later on the train, I gave him my notebook so he could occupy himself. He drew a very intricate preying mantis, the final result was something he was proud enough to show his dad when we returned. Then he drew a race car and was not satisfied with his efforts. I said something about not judging his work, about how enjoying the process is what really matters. He nodded and said, "Yes, I understand that. When I am drawing I am not thinking about anything else. I am just drawing and happy. So you know, I want to work on my drawing every day so I can get better and better. I want to be able to draw everything."

The funny thing is that besides for the joyful flutterings of my heart at his words, I also felt a shadow of concern darken my mind. Was he developing a love for drawing trying to please me, as when I am home and not doing chores I am most likely drawing? I want his passions and pursuits to be his own, uninfluenced by me. Of course, I must wonder if this is even possible or even necessary. Maybe it is just part of Sebastian's fate, good or bad, to be born into a family where there are always plenty of drawing pads and charcoal around so that he can develop into who he is meant to be.

Looking at my budding artist as he copied the dragon poster hanging from the train car's ceiling, I immediately put to bed those worries. He was utterly absorbed in his work and had no concern for me, even when I told him it was our station. It is his joy, his passion even if he was introduced to it by someone else. I am glad that I can give him what he needs, including the patience to wait for him on the cold sidewalk as he broke in his new drawing pad with a picture of a neighbor's sports car. Looking up from the page, he said 'I'm going come out here again tomorrow and see what it looks like in the daytime.'. That is all Sebastian right there.

(2)

2012-01-02T20:32:00.004+09:00

Today was rather mellow compared with yesterday. Now that it is bedtime and we have finished another day, I do mourn its passage and make my daily vow to be more productive tomorrow. We did manage to fit in a donut run and the boys smashed many turtles into oblivion. I designed a new doll pattern and cut out the material so I have that to look forward to putting together after the boys are snug in their slumber.

As Jason and I were refereeing the troops while they ate their sugary treats, we were reflecting on our short trip to the southern Alps yesterday. Since we are nomads, any new place gets to be scrutinized as a potential home and is compared to past homes. Since Nagiso was decidedly inaka, we naturally compared it to another inaka place near to our hearts. The island came out ahead, having the ideal combination of sea and mountain. Our rose-tinted rearview mirror is quite compelling.

I only have three more days of holiday after today. Usually at the end of a long holiday I get antsy and irritated but not this time. I only have two more months of work before my maternity leave starts. These next two months will be spent getting everything in order so that I can spend my year(!) off effectively. It is definitely going to be a change for us but I think it will be a good one.

(1)

2012-01-02T03:02:00.005+09:00

明けましておめでとう！Happy New Year!
We got our year started with steaming bowls of ozoni, served in special Oshogatsu Pokemon bowls, of course.

Then we were off on a Mama-venture, code for trips that involve lots of travel and little planning. Sebastian said he wanted to see mountains and Nico said he wanted to see snow so without further ado, we were off to Nagano.

We lighted in Nagiso, a small town known for lovely onsens and their tradition of wood turning (i.e., making beautiful bowls and trays from the local forest). There is also a trailhead for the Nakasendo, an old post road that connected Tokyo to Kyoto. I thought that is where we could get our bit of mountain-intake but Nico's wish for snow came true and we were not wearing snowshoes (or boots for that matter) so we had to content ourselves with walking around the small town.

Nagiso looks like it would be very nice to visit, you know, on a non-major holiday when everything was shuttered. They had a pedestrian suspension footbridge that crossed the town's namesake river, the Kiso. The kids played for a bit in a park where they were obviously preparing (though there was no one there) for a bonfire with a daruma perched on top of a tall stalk of bamboo.
The kids had at least fifteen snowball fights while we were in Nagiso, which was really exciting for them.

In the end, we took an express train home as the sun was setting and ended up eating fast food for dinner. This was another highlight of the day for the kids since fast food has been somewhat banned from our diets.

All in all, a good start to the year. Here's to 2012! (she says, raising her glass of water) The best to you and yours in this new year!

xo

When I think of 2011...

2011-12-31T18:33:00.004+09:00

I cannot list many positives for this departing year. The ones I find are the light side of the darkness.

(-) In January, I didn't get a job that I really wanted. It was a huge blow. Bigger than I let on.
(+) The plus was that I still had a job here. The kids didn't have to be uprooted.

(-) In February, we had a scare regarding my father's health.
(+) The positive thing there is that he recovered and is going stronger than ever now.

(-) In March, the world stop turning for a while.

There really aren't many positive to counter the tsunami. It was a terrible thing. For a Buddhist, I suppose it was just confirmation of the fact that existence is suffering. I could have gone without that dharmic lesson though. There is a crack in my heart made by the March 11th earthquake that will never heal.
(+) The silver lining is that it wasn't us, this time. For that I am grateful, if selfish.

(-) In April, our future in Japan was put in jeopardy by a paperwork oversight made by me.
(+) The good thing? We are still here.

After that, nothing traumatic happened in our tiny corner. But those grand slam first four months took their toll on the rest of 2011. I am sitting here feeling exhausted and not wanting to do anything to draw attention to our little tribe until midnight arrives. My sleeves are wet from wiping away the tears as I looked for footage of the tsunami for this post. I know we are not the only family glad to say sayonara to 2011. Last year I had thought that a year of rabbit-ness would be a good thing. Anyone who has read Watership Down should know better than to underestimate the viciousness of a rabbit.

I don't want to even discuss my hopes for 2012 until 2011 is safely sealed in the vaults. I will say that I am grateful that there were no direct hits this year. I will give 2011 some props for making me ever so thankful for the most essential blessing, that of being alive. We are safe and together, healthy and happy. I hope the stark clarity that 2011 provided will carry over for many years to come. This year has taught me that no minute should be taken for granted. I will forever tell my family that I love them before we part for the day and feel grateful that I have the chance to do so.

For you, my dear readers, I hope that you too have come to terms with 2011. I am glad that you survived the harrowing months and look forward to rejoicing our collective good fortune as we leave the dark days for the light. And since I have the chance before we part for the year, let me send you my love and warm wishes. I know better than to take such an opportunity for granted.

xoxo

Shopping as we do...

2011-12-30T19:02:00.006+09:00

We went for some supply shopping (running out of cleaning supplies) and arcade game playing. The mall is not too far from us so as much as I am not a fan of triple decker shopping complexes, in the winter an enclosed area that meets all of our random needs is quite nice.

The mall wasn't so crowded, as most people were probably at home cleaning and preparing for the New Year. The only place that was booming, really, was the supermarket. Traditionally Japanese people like to make special bentos called osechi filled with all sorts of auspicious delights that will make them healthy, wealthy, and wise for the coming year. Everything is made ahead of time to allow for the cooks of the household to have a reprieve from their duties.
We have discovered that in the city people are more likely just to order their osechis instead of slaving over the stove for days before the holidays. Some people just make a few of the dishes that they like, particularly the black soybeans and mochi. We don't really make anything besides for the ozoni, a soup that everyone eats on the first morning of the New Year. It is supposed to warm you up when you return from the midnight visits to the shrines and temples.

There was another side to the crowded supermarket, less festive but practical. The shops will be closed for the holiday, the only days when they close for the whole year. This is something that we have learned the hard way requires attention. In super convenient Japan, you become really soft as a shopper since if you forget something then you can always go to one of the hundreds of convenient 24 supermarkets and convenience stores in your neighborhood. Thinking ahead for your next three days' meals and other necessities can strain your creativity if you are such a soft shopper, as we are.

This brings us to another resolution. We are going to give up our soft, city ways and adopt a more traditional method of planning our (healthier) meals. Recently I discovered a Saturday morning organic market on my way to work and last week I took Jason and the gang to see it. He was, as I expected, impressed. All sorts of lovely vegetables and foodstuffs that you cannot find in the stores, right there being sold by regional farmers for the benefit of us urban-dwellers. We had tried to order a veggie box from a local organic supplier for a bit but since it is a bit of a gamble we often wasted a lot of the contents (particularly if it was a good week for something like onions). I also like the idea of taking the kids down to see the loveliness in person and run around with the farmers' kids and other young customers. And since it is only two train stops away, I think it will blend into our weekly routine quite nicely.

2012 is all about living the life we want and I think including this reformed habit will make the coming year and all those that follow full of health, a little more wealth, and hopefully a bit more wisdom.

The Artful Blogger

2011-12-29T21:15:00.003+09:00

With only 2 days left of 2011, I suppose it is time to reveal some of my resolutions for the coming year. One of them includes this blog and another, Hakanasa. I know I have been a neglectful and often absentminded blogger. I have had second thoughts about maintaining a blog, about spending so much time online. But now with the other shorter forms of social media, I have become quite fond of the blog. It gives me room to breathe and share. This blog in particular serves the practical purpose of connecting our daily family life with our distant friends and family. So one of my resolutions for 2012 is to post here daily, even if it is just a photograph and a caption. I want to become more disciplined and I want to have a better record of our time. I have an offline project such record-keeping corresponds to but I will save the details for another day. So starting on the first, each post will be numbered by the day of the year and if I am faithful, by this time next year the title of the post will be 364. More than my current total of posts in my entire five year history of blogging.

As for my other blog, Hakanasa is a space for me to share things that are of a more Tiffany-centric nature. Things about Buddhism, education, ecology, literature, and art + craft. It will resemble my journal more than this blog does but not in an intimate teenage way. In my offline journal (aka a spiral bound drawing pad), I keep newspaper clippings, sketches of things that catch my eyes, laundry lists, and ideas that need to be saved for later. It is a cumbersome thing with scraps of paper and dried leaves slipping out if opened too quickly. The online version will hopefully be less messy though I make no promises. I started it because I feel that my online identity is a little stunted and I wanted a room of my own to define myself better. With four(!) kids, such a place is inconceivable offline so I am looking forward to moving into the new blog and making it my own space. You are welcome to visit if you wish. Beware though, I will not be as guarded as I am here since when I write on this blog I am supremely conscious of the fact that my family is reading and I tend to be inhibited. Over on Hakanasa, I will post blind to the idea of my potential audience.

As for the name, Hakanasa, it is a Japanese term that I became enamored with last year as the cherry blossoms floated on the warm breeze despite the collective mourning period we were suffering through after March. This post has a little more on the term and my blog will favor the third definition.

I'll drop by tomorrow with some more resolutions. Until then my friends, take care.

Hello from the Osoji Trenches

2011-12-29T09:44:00.004+09:00

Welcome to Day Three of Osoji.
Day One went like this: washed curtains, took the thousands of books (okay, maybe about a hundred or so) off the bookshelf, dusted bookshelves and moved them to mop under bookshelves. Rearranged bookshelves and replaced books in more orderly system. Beat living room rug, washed many loads of laundry and folded them, washed living room windows. Hand washed living room floor. Put everything Christmasy away. Cleaned sofa and depilled it with little depiller device. Ate some oden. Had a yuzu bath. Finished my first Christmas gift.
Day Two: Washed more curtains and laundry. Went to bank to withdraw fund before they close for New Year's (about four days). Went to Osu branch of bank. Ate mediocre Mexican food. Wandered through a flea market outside the temple. Bought ichigo daifuku mochi (my favorite). Returned home. Pulled all my fabric from the closet. Felt exhausted just looking at the pile of fabric. Finished my second Christmas gift.

Day Three (so far): Last gomi day before the holiday so I had to stuff the dead kiddie pools and the nasty rug into a trash bag along with some gross forgotten pizza boxes and long deceased ajisai and geraniums. All of these vile things had been put out of sight on the balcony for too long. Quickly cleaned out the fridge. Took everything downstairs before the gomishushusha rolled around the neighborhood at 8:30. Took a shower. Ate last omochi. Sat down with some tea to procrastinate by writing a blog post.

[Sigh] Okay, now my list:
-organize fabric
-finish cleaning out closet
-clean out desk drawers
-wash bedding
-beat and hang futons outside
-beat and hang bedroom rugs
-wash floors
-scrub bathroom
-clean toilet room
-scrub drains, especially washing machine drain
-use magic eraser to get all pencil and marker creations off the doors and walls and floors
-take a short break to buy supplies
-avoid looking at third Christmas gift

Christmas Part 2

2011-12-26T10:05:00.002+09:00

Woke up to white rooftops and it is still snowing...

And look what we found, more presents. The poor postal worker delivered two of the three missing boxes around 8 o'clock last night (keep in mind that the post office is closed on the weekends in Japan). The kids were very excited to have an extension of present opening, particularly Colette who has perfected her wrapping tearing technique to include both her hands and teeth.

All in all, it is still very Christmasy here. Snowy outside and snuggly inside. Pajamas and hot chocolate complete the effect quite nicely.

xoxo

メリクリスマス！ Happy Christmas!

2011-12-25T09:46:00.003+09:00

Here's wishing you a very merry Christmas!

Colette's big Santa present:: A wooden kitchen set

And the boys found their new Nintendo 3DS plus two Mario games::

Three boxes have not yet arrived from the loving Stateside relatives so Christmas will be a drawn-out affair this year. Which is probably better so that each present will get the attention it deserves. We just had steaming bowls of brown rice and scrambled tofu to balance out the stocking treasures of chocolate and sugars. The little one resisted the attempt at healthiness and is quickly spiraling down into a nap. An angry two-year old and a room full of new Lego sets being assembled is an ugly mix, I can tell you.

We also got our snow, though it was short-lived. We should have more tomorrow. We'll travel towards Gifu (the neighboring mountainous prefecture) tomorrow to take pictures of the snow covered mountains. I really like these cold Christmases, though hearing a Florida based friend's plans to go snorkeling this weekend did make me a little envious.

So now it is time to return to the fray. Christmas dinner needs to be made and the wrapping paper needs to be put away. After today, we start osoji, a tradition I actually have grown to love. Then to gather supplies for oshogatsu, the biggest holiday in Japan. But today, today is still Christmas and we will do it American style with lots of noshing and loafing around.

Time to pop open the Pokemon fake champagne! Wishing you the merriest of winter holidays. May you be warm and well, wherever you may be.

xoxo

Christmas Eve::Cookies

2011-12-24T16:09:00.003+09:00

Made three different types this year. Sebastian had Christmas parties to attend so he brought some of them with him. Chocolate chunk walnut, gingerbread, and fudge crinkles. The house is warm and smells so sweet. And it might snow tonight. I have it on good authority that Santa loves fresh cookies on snowy nights. Maybe with a hot cup of amasake to wash them down.

Happy Christmas Eve. Wishing you sugarplum dreams.

The Counting Game

2011-12-21T21:33:00.004+09:00

One...

Two...

Three...

Four...

Surprised? We were too. But now that I am 24 weeks we have gotten used to the idea. It wasn't meant to be a secret. Time just got away from me. And now that we know it's a _____ we can start The Naming Game, one of my favorites.

Creating a Life

2011-12-19T16:23:00.003+09:00

The last posts of 2011 will be mostly reflective, which maybe is okay since due to laziness I omitted writing about a lot of our happenings this year. Gomen.

(picture of Buddha drawn by a creative student at Nico's school for the annual school festival)

This year I was determined to be actively creative. I was successful in creating more crafts, drawings, and stories than I was in 2010 but I still didn't meet my own targets most of the time.

There was the Etsy shop that morphed into a fabric shop (we're on vacation from supplying the world with lovely fabrics for the time being).

There was the postcard exchange that started with a huge number of participants, dwindled to half and now I, the organizer, am busy trying to catch up for months of missed postcards.

There was a novel that turned into, well, a novel. I wrote it in one month, including edits and a nasty bout of the flu. I'm not saying it is great (really, it is not) but it is complete. My first book, well ebook. It was more about getting it finished than making a masterpiece. I think that it has cleared the way for better writing. Given me hands-on experience of the practice of writing and overcoming my tendencies towards being overcritical and subsequently giving up on my work. I know I should be embarrassed about it but I have made a mission of reading all of my favorite authors' first works this year and I can tell you with certainty that the first work usually is, in a word, crap. The most meaningful lesson I gleaned from writing the book and working on the other projects has been that diligence and determination are really huge factors in generating success. Being talented is nothing compared to steady, unflinching hard work.

And lucky for me, I have a whole year ahead of me to hone my work habits. I am really excited about the days that are before me, just waiting to be created.

Belated

2011-12-18T23:29:00.003+09:00

In one of my discussion classes at the college where I teach, we were talking about the kanji of the year for 2011. One of the students asked the question, what is your personal kanji of the year and this was met with the silence of contemplation (a special Japanese silence that gets some getting used to). Following this hushed lull in the discussion, most of the students said that they agree with the selected kanji, which means bonds. One student offered that she would choose the kanji for 'tear' as she can't remember a year when she cried so much. Naturally this made the rest of us rather sad so we came to the consensus that 'bonds' was the best way to sum up 2011.

After a few days of passive consideration, I have decided that my kanji would be something like this: 手後れ [ておくれ]. It isn't so great since there are two kanji and the hiragana 're' there but it is the rough translation of my word for the year: belated.
2011 has been nothing but a race against the clock. And not just one single race, but multiple races sometimes held simultaneously. We have a poor record this year, I'm afraid. We lost the first one back in January when we forgot to renew Colette's visa on time. Since then, it has really been a struggle.

Take the back-to-back birthdays last month. We are simply lucky that Nico is super understanding and that Colette is too young to complain. We did eventually make it up to them but it was not within the week of their official birthdays.

This is Nico at his school birthday party with the beloved Doraemon birthday crown.

And this is Nico with his girlfriend Miyu-chan. Though don't tell him I called her that. He considers himself simply tolerant of Miyu-chan's exuberant affections.

So, as much as belated is perhaps a less positive way to describe a year, I consider it to be an honest and rather malleable term. It doesn't equate failure but signifies the effort to catch up, despite the odds of winning. We leave this year tired of always being behind but feeling stronger for the effort it took to continue. I hope that next year I will get to choose a better word like 'amazing' or 'crazy successful' but knowing that 76 percent of Americans (according to a recent NBC/WSJ poll) consider 2011 to be either below average or one of the worst years of their lives, I think belated isn't such a bad term to own.

Both

2011-12-05T19:40:00.003+09:00

This is the story of two brothers. Two brothers, both born in a country far, far away. Two brothers who now identify themselves as both, not one nationality or the other. Not half. Both. Two brothers who spend their days in Japanese and now have brought it home to play. Left alone, these two brothers now play in Japanese. The older one reprimands the younger one in Japanese, and you know what, the younger one listens. Some of the time. There are jokes between them that we will never laugh at but they find hysterical. There are their demands for orderliness that are lost on us, despite our years of living here.

When we first started this bilingual adventure, we were not fully aware of what was lying in store. Our third-culture kids insist that we expand our expectations to include who they really are. They are a unique sub-culture with a small but feisty membership. I feel very lucky to watch their evolution and know now that they are the true pioneers, going places we have never even considered.
I am also happy that they have each other. Their understanding of each other goes far beyond what we are capable of. Especially when it comes to booty jokes.

A+B=7

2011-11-28T01:24:00.002+09:00

I am still recovering from the flu so the week known as Thanksgiving Week for you American readers and known as Birthday Week to those living in this small apartment went by without much pomp and circumstance. We did celebrate, in a modest way. There were presents, though since the photographer was sleeping when they were opened, there is no paper ripping photos to share. You'll have to wait until Christmas. Nico's school had a bazar and that was a lot of fun, evidence of which you can see on Flickr. And Jason took the boys to the city zoo today (again, Flickr). So it wasn't a complete loss. And regardless of my position or consciousness, Nico is now FIVE...

And this girl is now TWO.

How they got themselves into this state is beyond me but they seem happy to keep doing it. And because both of them are so headstrong, I don't think even if I protested their rapid progress that they would heed my words. They'd be nice about it but once they become determined to do something, they care for nothing else.

Happy Birthday, my sweet Sagittarius babes.

And the winner is....

2011-11-21T21:00:00.003+09:00

We've been a rather fortunate family. No major calamities, no broken bones, no long hospital stays, no stitches. Lucky, right? I would say so. Eventually the odds are that there will be an incident that breaks that winning streak. Nico is a competitive kid, despite what his sports day photos might suggest. Since suffered the bad luck of being born second, he has done all he can do to catch up and surpass his older brother.

Today he managed what none of the rest of us have managed to do. He fell off a bicycle at school and wound up with five stitches under his chin. I know, gasp, right? I'll give you a moment to recover.

Well, five stitches may seem puny to you but for this mama, it was a rough day. Yet not so rough, in some ways. Like when Nico, the massive 5 year-old that he is, had to be held down by four nurses and one of his teachers. He was screaming his head off (and if you had seen the needle, you would have done the same) and thrashing with all his might. But those ladies did not break into a sweat or a temper. They just gently encouraged him to keep trying, that it was almost over. I remember the doctor visits in the States and the nurses there would have not been so kind. I probably would have been reprimanded for having such a violent child. So that was a blessing.

And while I didn't relish having to witness this (needles and stitches make me queasy and they were very matter of a fact about the procedure) I did feel a surge of pride as Nico battled those sweet caregivers in complete Japanese. Nauseous but proud. Blessing.

Or like how I didn't have his insurance card on me (since it happened right before preschool pick-up time and I didn't know until I arrived and the principal and teacher were waiting with bloody Nico in the car for me and Colette so we could go together...) and the doctor's office said, no problem, just bring it next time. Is that even possible in the States? Could my son receive care immediately upon entering the building and be set to go home within ten minutes, without showing proof of insurance? So, another blessing.

Looking at it from this perspective, I see that Nico didn't break our lucky streak. His minor injury just helped me to understand how strong it really is. And for that, I am truly grateful. Now, if I could just rid myself of the images of that needle, I would be near bliss.

Falling into Fall

2011-11-19T12:50:00.003+09:00

I just spent the last week in bed, thanks to influenza. Now I feel a desire to catch up with my life, to organize and clean, though I am still a little weak from the virus. None of the kids or Jason have succumbed to the illness, thankfully. Now just to tackle that tower of dishes in the sink and the dirty laundry that seems to be seeping from the walls. Rainy day and we are all a little cranky and feeling the boundaries of our walls. Tomorrow should be sunny and will my first day outside in almost a week. I must go find some fall colors before they are lost to the winter winds. Hope you all are well (better than me, at least ;) ). Take care.

We're still here...

2011-11-05T21:16:00.003+09:00

We are just swamped with daily life plus side projects that we are attempting to inflate to the center. That may be cryptic but don't worry, all will be revealed soon. Good things, I think, very good things. Sweet lemonade from lemons.

We are fine though. In case you were wondering. Besides for a few skint knees and the cabin-fevered fighting that happens when it rains, no complaints.

Autumn is slowly creeping into Nagoya and I am actually looking forward to winter this year. It is the sounds that change, the quiet even in a city, how drips echo through the silent streets. This will be our sixth winter in Japan so for us Floridians, our sixth real winter. Appreciation for the season has grown in pace with my understanding of how to live well in the season. Luckily we are in Japan, the land of every available creature comfort known to humans.

Okay, off to work on my somewhat mysterious side projects. Over and out.

xoxo

日本ばれ-Nihonbare ((Fine Japan))

2011-10-09T05:25:00.004+09:00

Japan is indeed fine these days. The weather is picture perfect and everyone (who I see at least) is smiling.

Jason attended his high school's sports day (undoukai-運動会) last week and really enjoyed seeing the students outside of the classroom. Of course, it was followed by a week of exams for the students but they seem fine with the trade-off.

Nico is getting ready for his first 運動会 next Saturday. This is his class practicing at the park, though Jason reports that Nico seemed to be practicing his own original dance rather than the one his classmates were doing. That is not due to a language barrier but just pure silliness. Nico is famous (or infamous) at his kindy for having, um, creative independence. He gets along great but he is definitely hearing a different drummer.

This is the season when the housework gets neglected for the more pressing matter of perfect temperatures and pristine skies. I am absolutely boring with my constant praise of the sky but if you could just see it, how the few clouds lay just right against a blue hue that is both light and deep, you would involuntarily tilt you head back to drink in the loveliness above you.

Or you could just dote on this lovely, who never ceases to make me swoon

Hope your days are fine (hare: ha-ray) wherever you may be.
xo

Why, hello there.

2011-10-02T19:19:00.003+09:00

We have been swept away in the rapids of school life. It feels like we never, never stop thinking about school. Since the only day we have off all together is Sunday, it is spent preparing for the week ahead. Japanese school kids (and I include my own kids in that group) bring their gym clothes, lunch clothes, room shoes, and other supplies home on Fridays to be washed. So Sunday means that mama does the washing, drying, ironing, packing, homework checking, and nagging. By the time the kids go to bed, their backpacks and side bags are full of fresh clothes and sharpened pencils for the week ahead. And then the next morning the rush begins again. Sebastian, then Jason, then Nico go to school. Then Colette and I clean the house and work on other projects (to be discussed later). And before I know it everyone is home again and it is time for snacks and dinner. There is never a day of rest here and I guess with three kids, what can I expect? There are moments for grasshopper hunting (our pet preying mantises have to eat something) and silly play. Even though it isn't a nap in a hammock that I fantasize about, those moments of playing all together keep us going through another week.

"Where do I sign my kid up for the Character Development class?"

2011-08-27T21:01:00.006+09:00

Sifting through the internet, I have noticed references again and again to the Idle Parent, a new parenting manual by Tom Hodgkinson. The premise is neatly summarized here , which is good since I have not read the book therefore am a poor reviewer.

Instead it brought to mind two separate incidents today, both involving messes and brothers.

The first happened in my classroom at the start of the preschool lesson. I have six kids in this class and this year one of those kids is the younger brother joining his big brother in English class. Their father typically drops them off in the classroom about twenty minutes early, leaving them to play with the activities I have set up for them regardless if there is an adult around or not. I do my best to prepare the classroom, knowing what they are capable of and trying to give them something to do while the others trickle through the door.

Today these preparations were ignored in favor of the chalkboard. I keep the basket of chalk and eraser out of reach but the eldest brother decided to make it within his reach by using a chair and a box. Treasure obtained, he and his brother began to draw on the board. Nothing wrong with that. Then they proceeded to have an epic chalk war. Smashed up little bits of chalk went everywhere, the chalkboard was covered with scribble and colorful dust. An utter mess. Of course, at this time the other students were arriving so my attention was diverted though even if it hadn't been, I might have allowed the battle just to see how far they would take it. With their classmates around to play with, a ceasefire was immediately in effect and the chalk was forgotten. So, I had to take the beginning of class to enforce a cleanup of the battleground. There were complaints, and a couple of attempts to go AWOL, but after a bit, they did it. And they were really good for the rest of the class.

Fast-forward to this evening where a rice war broke out while dad was in the shower and mom was tending to the baby. What possessed my kids with normally decent table manners to spit rice at each other is beyond me. Maybe they were tired-silly after walking around downtown this evening. Maybe they just saw an opportunity and took it. Either way, it had to be cleaned up. And no one was better fit for the job than the spitters themselves. Now, being close to bedtime, there was a lot of complaining. Too much complaining. Why do I have to pick up so much rice? Do I have to pick up the rice under the sofa/table/chair/rug? But the rice was picked up, bedtime stories were read, and cheeks were kissed goodnight.

Now many people might think that I was too lazy in both cases. Maybe I was, I am unabashedly lazy. Yet I see it more of as a chance to let kids find their boundaries and realize what happens when they go past them. With the first situation, there was a grandmother outside of the glass doors watching me. And if my experience with kids who attend English lessons is correct (a polite way of saying overscheduled and consequently overindulged), the grandmother might have been horrified that I spent so much class time making sure that those boys took responsibility for their actions. Her granddaughter was deposited in my class under the pretense that I would teach her and her classmates English, not help them develop their characters.

I see it differently. I think that for children, there is not this idea of segmented time while you grow. They use every opportunity they can to work on what they intrinsically know needs developing. This does not fit into a schedule book. It is all encompassing and every adult in their life should allow for it.

Also, in the case of the boys, they were listening and following instructions in English and even arguing with me in English. That's pretty authentic.

It is possible that this might be just cultural bristling. And not just with Japanese culture, though it is easy to point at that since it surrounds me. I think that this new style of parenting, these frazzled time manager parents with their kid-business plans, is actually its own culture. It is perhaps even a socio-economic class issue. I don't have the money to send my kid to a dozen different classes, but I do have a lot of time to let them make a mess (or explore their world) and tidy up afterwards.

In the end, it comes down to what the adult in charge has in mind for the adult-to-be. What sort of adulthood should we wish for our kids, one where they are always on time and really good at multi-tasking? Or perhaps one where the kids are self-directed and confident, willing to make a mess and clean it up?

A Summer Tradition

2011-08-26T18:00:00.002+09:00

Year 1

Year 2

Year 3

The Business at Hand

2011-08-12T15:45:00.005+09:00

My summer holiday has definitely gone a different direction than I anticipated. Instead of the laziness (I mean, recuperation)that I had planned on, I have been working on what I suppose can now be officially considered my small business. I have learned a lot about what it takes to make the shop really run, mainly due to making many mistakes along the way.

What is really important when involved in such a project is to remember the motivating force behind the ambition. My favorite way to achieve this is a trip to the park, with the "motivating force" in tow.

Yes. I remember now.
xoxo

Natsu Yasumi! Summer is On!

2011-08-07T17:47:00.003+09:00

Soon. Very Soon.

2011-07-25T21:30:00.002+09:00

Summer vacation is approaching for me and with it a chance to get my head together before my last semester in grad school. Mainly, I want to get the shop up and running a little more properly. I'll be adding stuff during the next week that have been in process for many weeks. Not because they are huge or complex but simply because my time has not be my own and when it has, I haven't had the energy to grab it and tame it. Two weeks is too short but it is what I have so I won't complain.

I'll try and make up for the crickets around here by posting double time for a bit. You know, when summer vacation actually starts. In a week. Until then, please find a nice shady spot, a glass of lemonade, and figure out what those clouds over your head look like.

Where Summer is Summer

2011-07-15T09:20:00.002+09:00

I felt quite at home,
As if it were mine sleeping lazily
In this house of fresh air.

-Basho

Heiwa Park, Nagoya

Make a Wish!

2011-07-07T21:48:00.001+09:00

The planets and stars are aligned today so that your wishes can be granted. Happy Tanabata, ya'll.

8 days, 8 days....

2011-07-03T22:53:00.003+09:00

Eight days until the wonderful man delivers and installs our a/c. Eight whole days. Today we had to go to the park around 7 am to avoid the unrelenting heat of the day. How did we do it last year? No cooking, lots of iced drinks, fans and more fans, siesta, kiddie pool, showers and more showers, parasols and cold packs. Surviving summer in Nagoya is exhausting.
But summer in Japan? Definitely one of my favorite seasons. Festivals, fireworks, shaved ice, swimming, cold somen noodles, watermelon, sunflowers, cicadas, yep, definitely in the top four. Neck and neck with winter.

Hope you are all staying cool wherever you may be.
xoxo

Heat Island

2011-06-30T20:50:00.004+09:00

This is what Nico looks like on the way to school. And on the way home. And, well, pretty much all the time now.

It is hot. Like, really, really hot. Nagoya is nationally famous for being one of the hottest places in Japan because the mountains curve into a pocket to trap heat, with the Ise Bay as a wall so that air cannot escape. Humidity, concrete, no wind plus geography added together equals misery. So we broke down and laid a fairly large amount of yen on the department store's counter and proceeded to whine and beg until they agreed to bring us an A/C. Sorry Al Gore, but it isn't optional this year. We feel bad about it, we do, but perhaps worse about sweating in our sleep.Starting July 11th, our footstep will be just a tad heavier. We said we were sorry.

Yochien Life

2011-06-29T21:23:00.003+09:00

We've been back in the yochien (kindergarten) swing of things for three months now and let me just say, it is awesome. Nico has a blast everyday and has the most wonderful teachers, which is all we wanted for him.
Sure, the constant activities can be a little exhausting. Like the Tanabata Festival last week, held a bit before the actual holiday. I admit, we grumble a bit about these things but then when we get there we are floored by the cuteness. Who wouldn't be?

Things I Have Learned as an Online Entrepreneur

2011-06-25T20:04:00.004+09:00

So my digital doors have been open for a week and though I have had a few visitors, no buyers have crossed the threshold yet. During this initial downtime, I have compiled a list that I thought would be good to share with you, in case you are attempting to walk down the small business path or just like a good chuckle at how I have been stumbling around in the online marketplace for the past few days.

1. Don't set impossible goals for yourself. Especially if your goals involve your hands because, and this might come as a shock, you only have two of them. Ten fingers yes, but only two hands. And if small, nursing children are involved it is likely that there may be only one hand in the picture.

2. Don't take #1 as a challenge. It is not a challenge. There are such things as impossible goals.

3. Make and sell what you like and don't worry too much about what you think people will like. It seems that if you like something yourself, then you add that magic to it when you make it and people recognize and respond to that.

4. Renewing doesn't seem to be worth it. Just post more stuff instead.

5. Posting more stuff means experimenting more which means you will probably figure out what you like to make and sell quicker. Feel free to play around with your products and shop. Once you get more established you might not be able to do that.

6. Take advantage of the editing feature. If you feel the need to write a product description say at 1 o'clock in the morning, read it again after you wake up. Retake pictures because those visual gems become tiny little squares that pop up on the surface of the online marketplace for just a second before sinking back down into your shop.

I Heart Ajisai

2011-06-24T05:30:00.004+09:00

Growing up, there were hydrangeas. I never really paid them any mind though as they were usually at the corner of the house with their pastel blossoms. By August they were essentially just sticks with brown dried blossoms somehow still attached. It had something to do with the name too, particularly pronounced in the Southern accent: high-drain-ya. While the Southern accent can lend a bit of romantic flavor to flowers like the magnolia, it does no favors for hydrangeas. It took me forever to figure out how to properly spell the word since the word I knew couldn't be phonetically dissected.
Then I moved to Japan where I learned that the plant is a rainy season plant so the annual Florida drought is not on the hydrangea's side. I really fell in love with the plant, or ajisai, the way it is in Japan, with rich, lush green leaves and vibrant orbs of deep blue, purple, and pink. Pastel versions are around, though I tend to ignore them for their darker neighbors.

At the end of summer, the ajisai will be cut down to nubby sticks in order to survive the long winter. Somehow they manage to resurrect themselves every year. We have a little potted ajisai now, with the most beautiful blossoms of them all. Unfortunately Jason forgot to water it while they were still thriving so I have no pictures to share. This year.

Happy Summer!

2011-06-23T10:51:00.000+09:00

The Great Eight

2011-06-22T20:10:00.002+09:00

We celebrated Sebastian's birthday on Sunday. His birthday always provokes the most sentimentality in me, for it was he who made me a mother.

He's such a funny, witty, stubborn, cranky, creative, amazing, handsome, sensitive, sly, caring kid. With his crazy slew of presents (including but not limited to new silver shoes, a big kid bike, fossils, enough Legos to fill Biwako, and books to keep him reading until his next birthday) he is set for a great year. A big thank you to the grandparents, aunties, and great-aunties, by the way.

And in lieu of cake, we had kakigori (shaved ice) with red beans, dango mochi, green tea syrup, and condensed milk. Rather appropriate for a solstice birthday, ne?

Happy Birthday, Sebastian!
xoxo

行くよ！

2011-06-16T22:30:00.005+09:00

It's go time, folks. My shop is up and running and we are celebrating the modest opening in a grand way by offering you a ten percent off coupon. Just enter the coupon code 'rockscissorspaper' when you checkout. I'm also offering free shipping during the grand opening week.

Here is the shop update schedule for the next month:

June 16th: Infant/Toddler Cloth Slippers (Suripa)
June 17th: Sundresses (Natsuko Line)
June 18th: Cloth Dolls (The Aki-chan)
June 20th: Pinafore Dresses (Arisu Line)
June 24th: Japanese Cut Fabric
June 30th: Jimbei (Midori Line)
July 4th: Sundresses (Yoko Line)
July 16th: General Update
July 20th: Lunch Kits (Obento)

I am really excited to launch the shop finally after so many minor and major delays. Thank you for all your support and encouragment. It meant/means a lot to me. Domo arigatou gozaimasu!

xoxo

June Sixteenth

2011-06-11T23:57:00.004+09:00

Yikes, it seems almost two weeks were caught in a vortex and swept away. There was Sebastian's sports day, Nico's petting zoo and picnic, Nico's picnic again, rain, more rain, work, more work, and finally today, a day off and we're off again to the aquarium with one of my students.

But after we get back, when the kiddies are sleeping with the windows open and fans blowing cool air on their flushed cheeks, then that is when I will be putting the finishing touches on Gu Choki Pa, my etsy shop. I will be opening the virtual doors June 16th with slippers, sundresses, and Aki dolls. There are a lot of things that won't be in there on the opening day and this was bothering me, but then I remembered that it is my shop and I can run it the way I wish. As much as I want to make a good go of it, my available time and energy is definitely abbreviated, a reality that is far different from my expectations. Regardless, as I am often telling my kids, a little bit is better than zero so I must do what I can and be happy. Especially with handmade goods. I couldn't image making things out of linen and cotton and having my negativity stitched right into the seams. I hope to give people little packages of joy and the best way is to start with a relaxed and joyful heart in the process of creation.

I will post again about the shop as the 16th approaches. Until then, please don't mind the silence.

Dreaming in green

2011-05-31T22:20:00.003+09:00

So now that we get to stay, we have to fulfill all those promises we made, the little IOUs to the Universe in exchange for the three-year visa that lines Colette's passport.

One of the main promises I kept making was to be more awake and aware. Obviously our life here is very fragile so I need to pay constant attention. I really, truly love Japan. I love the quiet, the attention to detail, the weeds left to grow everywhere, the glass bells and cicadas in the summertime. Even the soft and sour parts of Japan can fit into my heart. Yet, paying attention includes paying attention to my own needs, as well as appreciating my environment.

And one thing that I have been craving is wildness. Japan is a very wild country, though most might not consider it to be so. Step outside of the city limits and you will probably be in the mountains or standing in a rice field. For my nature loving family, living in the concretescape that is Nagoya can be a little soul-numbing. Don't get me wrong, Nagoya is a comfortable city, and less urban than Tokyo, Osaka, and even Fukuoka. But it is a city nonetheless. Living here can make you a little dazed, it can make trekking outside of the city limits seem troublesome. For us, a lot of the problem is based around scheduling. It is rare that all of us are free for explorations on the same day. So on Monday after our triumph at immigration, realizing my luck in having all three kids at the same time, we headed out of Nagoya a bit to see what a forest park looked like.

Upon arriving, we were reminded how everything is closed on Mondays in Japan, including forest parks.

So we ended up taking a lovely, albeit windswept, stroll around a small lake. Though no hike, it was such a good, sunshiny walk. We saw our first tanbo (dragonfly) of the season, along with skinks, ladybugs, water striders, and even a muskrat. Being outdoors with the kids (coupled with the release from the heaviness of worry I had been toting around for a few weeks) made it really a perfect afternoon. So perfect in fact, that I have decided to spend every chance we can going outside of the limits, into the unknown. Though Sebastian does request that we bring the nets next time, for as he said, "If I had known there were going to be insects, I would have been better prepared".

To sum up....

2011-05-30T12:10:00.002+09:00

We're in, folks! Colette has Special Permission to stay! What a relief! Notice all the exclamation marks!

Okay, off the properly celebrate. First to the forest park then later after Jason gets home, to the mall to collect our first batch of suzumushi (bell crickets). Thank you all so much for your support. Now we can throw away the "If we get deported" list and focus on "If we get to stay". Exciting days ahead for this troop.

Thanks again! Take care.
xoxo

Plum Rain::梅雨

2011-05-29T21:46:00.006+09:00

Tsuyu, the rainy season, has arrived in Nagoya. I am one of those rare birds that loves the rainy season. I truly do. It is such a peaceful time in Japan. It gives everyone a chance to rest before the unrelentingly oppressive summer grabs us and allows for no other conversation besides for "Atsui desu ne?" (hot, isn't it?).
With the rainy season comes my favorite flower of all, ajisai (hydrangea). Wet shoes and curly hair is surely a fair price to pay for such beauty. The literal translation of tsuyu is Plum Rain. How can you not be charmed by that?

Tsuyu love aside, I do wish that it didn't have to come so early this year. Tomorrow is the big day at immigration and because of the kindergarten schedule and the elementary school holding their sports day on Tuesday, I find that I will be taking three kids with me in the rain to plead my case. Three kids, in the rain, on the early Monday morning commuter trains. Three kids who after two solid days of rain are bursting at the seams.

The good thing is that regardless of the outcome tomorrow, I will be able to enjoy another Japanese tsuyu. Maybe after the appointment tomorrow, we'll go splash in some puddles and hunt snails.

Wish me luck!

xoxo

On the storefront

2011-05-24T08:19:00.003+09:00

I know I mentioned I was planning to hold a preview in my shop last week, but time got away from me, the willful beast. I have been working slowly towards my early June grand opening by continuously sewing and resewing when things are not up to my standard. I have become more familiar with my machine in these last weeks as well as educating myself on the ins and outs of selling online. Using the blogs on Etsy and reading this book have been very enlightening. This book helps me to understand the more pragmatic side of selling online, which is very good indeed.

Living in Japan has been helpful in that I have become more conscious of details. What used to be acceptable in my sewing now makes me blush but I will chalk it up to being part of the learning process.

I never accomplish as much as I hope over the weekend but as long as I can get my area in order for impromptu sewing, then I can remain inspired and willing to work, even after a long day of teaching and parenting. It is very satisfying to have a tidy work area. The organization revives me.

I will keep chugging along and filling out my inventory. The rotten thing is that the date with immigration is one day before my anticipated grand opening so I will go ahead and expect delays as I deal with the strain of legal headaches. Making and drawing has proved to be a wonderful relief from the stress so I will push myself more in these next few days to finish up my various products. Then I will share again with you.

xo

By any other name

2011-05-23T23:52:00.003+09:00

There seem to be roses blooming everywhere around Nagoya right now. I have never been very fond of the rose, inheriting my grandmother's prejudice against their full sweet blossoms. She referred to them as funeral flowers, a description that repelled me for many years. This year though I have been charmed by them.

Everyday Beauties

2011-05-20T09:39:00.004+09:00

Living in Japan, I am surrounded by amazing but mundane textiles. Though I have a deep appreciation for some of the finer textile processes that are usually connected with Japan such as silk brocade for obi, my main obsessions are silk screen and block printing on fabric. Usually printed on cotton or linen, they are used for door curtains, wrapping lunch boxes and presents, handkerchiefs, you name it. This fabric here, for example, is providing shade against the morning sun in a fish shop. What attracted me to this print was how it is both subtle and obvious, a contradiction that can be perfected through textile printing. (Yes, we are a fish shop but we aren't going to shout it.) And because they are somewhat easy to produce, it makes this sort of fabric affordable which means that they will really be used. When aesthetics and practicality merge, that is where I want to be.

be here, be aware

2011-05-19T21:36:00.004+09:00

Colette and I had Jason to ourselves Monday and Thursday as it is test week so the high school where he works didn't require his skills. Though I had intended to use all my spare minutes for sewing, I chose instead to go tramping around downtown Nagoya with my main squeeze.

Despite looking at this glass I was served as being half full, the impending deportation hearing has been weighing on me. I am trying to use this situation to readjust how I have framed our time here.
We feel settled, we feel a part of this beautiful section of the globe, but in reality we are just long-term guests.
Or at least from the perspective of the authorities.
To counter the feeling of helplessness, we are pushing ourselves to be more aware of where we are right now. To go out and find the Japan that we would miss.

In the grand scheme of things

2011-05-12T10:16:00.001+09:00

In deportation news... Colette and I have an appointment with immigration May 30th. We don't know what this means but we were asked to bring our passports and alien registration cards and expect to stay for five hours.

So we'll know something soon.

If we stay, then we will learn Japanese for real this time and move to Arashiyama in Kyoto.

If we get the boot, then I am thinking about the Northwest coast. Specifically southern Alaska.

Either way, we will keep making and drawing and being together. So, either way, all is good.

xo

The dawn of mushi season

2011-05-11T22:32:00.003+09:00

It's still a little early but the nets have made their way into our daily walks again, both boys ready for whatever will fly or jump their way. Or out of their way.

Right now, butterflies are the main thrill. Sebastian has learned how to catch them in his bare hands and in doing so has come to realize just how delicate they are, how easily their short lives can be ruined. He has returned to the net, preferring now to watch them briefly in the plastic mushi case before releasing them back to their clover and dandelions. It is in turn amazing for me to watch my son's innate respect for life blossom and grow.

Soon, we'll have mushi cases housing preying mantis and beetles, cicadas and grasshoppers stacked on shelves and cabinet tops. Everything will buzz and hum, tuning in harmony with summer. Dripping with sweat and determination, the kids will check every bush and tree trunk for more six legged creatures to invite home. The nets will seem like extensions of their bodies.

I would hardly recognize the season otherwise.

Growing up

2011-05-10T23:16:00.002+09:00

When I was about my Nico's age, I declared that I would be a writer when I grew up. Specifically a poet because at that time I really got a kick out of word play. So for two plus decades I have been saddled with my own expectation of becoming a writer, like a prize winning novelist sort of writer. Being on a hiatus from grad school, I decided to finally pursue my dream. And it turns out that I have outgrown it. I don't like writing fiction. I hardly even read fiction anymore. But it has been hard to release myself from this promise of becoming a writer. What has made it easier has been rediscovering something I do like to do. I like to draw.
Now, I know I am not good or even decent but that is okay with me. And that is how I know that making and drawing is my actual path. I was never that interested in improving my writing craft but I readily accept the challenge of learning how to draw better. I find myself looking at everything with curiosity, trying to determine how I would begin to draw the fallen bicycle, the accordion covers between the subway cars.
Perhaps it has something to do with following a Buddhist path and my pursuit of mindfulness. Drawing keeps me present and aware while writing throws my mind into a daydream world that has fogged over most of my days on this planet.
I want to be here, as it is, at this moment. Poorly drawn pictures and all.

xo

Taking our lives in our own hands

2011-05-09T13:17:00.006+09:00

Right now I am sitting on the porch with Colette, sharing a grapefruit. By sharing, I mean that I am eating the flesh and she is daintily drinking the juice from a spoon. It is a good moment. The essential chores are completed. I organized my work space. There is a sweet warm breeze moving the curtains and drying the laundry. The boys are still at school so it is quiet besides for the birds and babies cooing next door. I had anticipated sewing during the day today but have enjoyed just being home.

In fact, just being home is decidely my favorite way to be. So much so that I am now putting all my spare energy into the ambition being home on a regular basis. I have never had such a clear purpose in my life. Moving into my thirty-second year has made me realize that no one else is going to give me this, that I will have to take it into my own hands. Which is fine and the way it should be though I wonder why it never occurred to me before.

It is strange that you can feel lost in your own life but for too long, I have not recognized my surroundings. The sirens that wailed tsunami warnings served as my alarm clock and jarred me out of my confusion. I am awake now and grateful to be so. It was exhausting living a life that I did not own. Now that I am here, there is no disconnect, no daily bridge to build and cross. As much as I will continue to mourn the tragedies of the disasters that hit up north, I am also grateful for the opportunity to open my eyes upon my own life and now have the sense to live it. I am not sure who to direct this letter of gratitude to, so I will just leave it open, for everyone and everything. Thank you.

As Promised

2011-05-08T22:27:00.005+09:00

Though a little past due.

WIPs

2011-05-03T12:28:00.004+09:00

There was a moment that extended into a day where I believed that my sewing machine was dead, never to be threaded again. Luckily I discovered a quick and lasting fix and now I can continue.
Some things on my work table, designs and patterns being tested.
The Aki-chan doll. There will be a few alterations to what you see here but she's been approved by the original Aki so I am feeling good about her.

Summer dresses...

And more slippers, simply because they are addictive to make.

I will return Thursday evening to share more works in progress.
Here's wishing you many quick and lasting fixes.
Take care.

golden+week

2011-05-01T20:23:00.004+09:00

It's Golden Week, my favorite week of the year when four national holidays collide and become a second Spring break. I'm lucky to have Monday off too, meaning that I have an entire week of freedom and will not think about teaching until Friday.
As per my nature, the first creation I made was a very detailed list of all the goals I wanted to accomplish before dreaded Friday dare show its face on my calendar. These past three days, I have had a heaping spoonful of reality and have now gone back to the original list with my red marking pen, crossing out 80 percent of my ambitions. Did you know that I have three kids and a husband in my [tiny] apartment? It's true. In the quiet of my work life, I sometimes forget what it means when mama is home full time.

Not that I am complaining. I love being home and spending precious hours with my littles, even if my patience is challenged continuously. I have many priorities to balance this week as I add to my shop's inventory amidst the daily cacophony of family life. I have created a solution in the form of a little space for my sewing against the window with the best light. I have also overcome my shyness about using the sewing machine at night. This means during the day I can be more present for the kids and at night (after a few cups of coffee) I can work on the surviving goals from that list.

I'll pop in here again this week, hopefully with some tangible evidence of my productivity to share.
I hope you are all well and safe wherever you may be. Take care, particularly you dear readers from the South. Our thoughts and hearts are with you.
xoxo

For the pitter patter...

2011-04-20T19:27:00.002+09:00

of not so little feet. I make slippers for Colette and friends but now I'm putting a few extra in the shop next month.

Here or there, day by day

2011-04-18T11:47:00.004+09:00

We have been swept up in the vicious winds of April. 4/5ths of us are in our respective schools and things are going well on that front. We have had no word if 1/5th of us will indeed be deported. Like the nuclear crisis, like the encroaching earthquakes, this is something that we will just have to wait and see about.
It seems much more dramatic in print than it actually is. Daily life chugs on as usual, with 2/5ths of us being more acutely aware of how precious our time is here. We are letting the other 3/5ths remain in blissful ignorance.

Honestly, I don't think that we will get the boot simply because it would cost the government a lot to get rid of us. If I had chosen voluntary deportation, it would have come out of my pocket. Now they are in the process of examining those pockets to see if I have enough to stay or not. Practically, it seems like a bad idea to kick a tax paying family with two kids in Japanese schools out because of a tiny mistake. Especially as they scramble to figure out how to pay for the disasters in Tohoku.

So, in the meantime instead of being anxious, we prefer to Stay Calm and Carry On. I am still going forward with my shop and my writing, though I am pushing back the grand opening a few weeks. Today I am completing eight baby slippers and five summer outfits with the boys all at school and work. It is really quiet with just Colette. I can already anticipate how much I will accomplish when all of them are in school in a few years.

We are working on things that we can continue to do regardless of location. Though my proximity to a giant Japanese fabric store makes it more ideal for my shop if we stay in this land. Regardless, we have backup plans now that we didn't have prior to March 11th. Plans to do more meaningful work than we had been doing, to work towards true dreams while enjoying the journey along the way. If we get the boot, if the walls crumble down around us, then other opportunities will abound.

All the disasters and potential disasters that lie at our feet have made certain dharmic lessons absolutely radiate in my mind, such as impermanence and the utter suffering of this samsaric realm. I get how we must tackle even the most petty concerns with as much kindness and mindfulness as possible. For a while, the stress was making 2/5ths of us short-tempered with the other 3/5ths. Now that a few weeks have worn on, we have calmed down and gained a better perspective. It is easier to remain patient, more loving with each other now. We know what really matters is not where we are, but that we are together wherever. I tacked this article to my kitchen wall, to remind me when I feel hassled in that cramped space by the gaping mouths of my little chicks, that my littles are safe in our nest still, even if the nest is temporary. And the good thing about nests is that that they can be made again if the winds and rains destroy them.

And they're off...

2011-04-08T23:02:00.002+09:00

Gone are the days

2011-04-07T08:27:00.004+09:00

I think we are all suffering from pre-post traumatic stress syndrome here.

The Fukushima beast is one of those that grows more dangerous as it dies. We have now accepted the idea that we might have to leave Japan in the near future. How near we don't know, how definite, we don't know. Before I was resolved to remain here but recently my concern about the nuclear crisis has been amplified. This is Japan's reality now. A disaster that refuses to be tamed. I have joined the other skeptics in distrusting the "official" news from the government and TEPCO. I rely on the IEAE and even Greenpeace to provide more accurate information.

For the time being, we are pressing on with our regularly scheduled programs. Sebastian is in school, tomorrow we attend Nico's opening ceremony. Jason and I are both working, at work proper and own our own projects. We are filing the paperwork for the objection to Colette's deportation. We would like to continue in this vein.

But that is not always possible. The 27,000 plus victims of the tsunami, the 400,000 displaced in shelters, the new evacuees from the nuclear crisis, all of them also hoped to continue along their own paths, living out the plans they had made, worrying about petty day to day concerns. I miss our frivolous time, a month ago (though it seems like years) when there was no checking of radiation levels, when I still had faith in the competency of people who worked with something as dangerous as nuclear power. I suppose I was naive, but I like being naive, ignorance being bliss and all that jazz. Being naive allows me to have the space in my head for more creative endeavors. Now that space is filled with facts about iodine and cesium, about becquerels and millisevierts. I don't want to think about these things anymore but it has been forced on us all, and it doesn't appear to be for the short-term.

We are not trying to worry you, dear readers, but we do want you to know that we are watching how the disaster unfolds, waiting for it to reach a certain level of calamity before we take more drastic measures. I think our first choice would be to just return to Kansai or Kyushu but if it isn't possible, we'll probably take up American couch surfing for a while. We hope it doesn't come to that.

Thank you again for all your concern over these affairs and events. We truly appreciate it.

xoxo

April has arrived

2011-04-04T21:04:00.002+09:00

In Japan, a new school year has begun with the first blush of the cherry trees.

On Thursday, Sebastian enters second grade.
On Friday, Nico will start preschool.

The skies are the brightest blue though the wind is unrelentingly sharp, the temperature too cool.

It is a bittersweet beginning to the year but we are determined to sit through it for as long as possible, preferably under the pink clouds of a sakura tree.

Deer Vs. Antelope

2011-04-01T22:31:00.002+09:00

Sorry for the crickets around here lately. We have yet to be shaken from the planet and the radiation threats turn out to be something you can learn to live with.

I have been busy back at work, preparing for year two. We've been in Nagoya for a year now, as hard as it is to believe. It has not been the most gentle year but I do think we have learned many lessons here. Our most recent one: read the fine print on your visa.

I made a small, tiny mistake when I neglected to notice that my daughter's visa was not for one year past the date when she received her visa. No, that would have been logical. Instead, it expired in January and so this means that at this very moment, she is a criminal.

In 2004, Japan passed some very controversial and strict immigration laws regarding overstay-ers like Colette. There is no age discrimination involved with immigration.

I went yesterday to try and get everything sorted. After waiting for 2 hours, I was shown into a tiny office and two options were laid before me: Colette could be deported now and banned from the country for one year or I could fight the deportation order with a slew of paperwork and if I win, she gets a special-permission-to_stay sticker in her passport. If I lose, she gets the boot and can't come back for 5 years. Insanity, ne?

I chose Door #2, the fight door. I think if I gather enough sheets of paper that they'll forgive me. I mean my daughter. It's brutal out there, it really is.

I went for a walk instead...

2011-03-27T21:09:00.005+09:00

...of checking the news and the earthquake reports and the fallout reports. I feel obligated to keep tabs on the nuclear crisis, being the captain of my little ship but it is taxing. We must continue to seek the positives to balance so many negatives. So I took a little break and explored the neighborhood in the company of Mr. Bird, who likes to whistle in my ear.

"Fake conversations on a nonexistent telephone
Like the words of a man who's spent a little too much time alone"
(from A.B.'s song Effigy)

I want to press on with my pre-disaster plans. I think I can manage it but occasionally little dots of doubt threaten my vision, like the kind you get when you rub your eyes too hard, and at these times I become blind with worry. Equal parts skeptical and naive, I can only hope that I am right in believing that I am not putting my crew in danger by staying in Japan.

I don't think I am. If things get bad, I suppose I could always try to get myself deported.

In the meantime, I prefer to wander the streets under blue skies, the wind blowing pale pink petals across my path.

Catfish Dreams and Other Things

2011-03-24T21:05:00.006+09:00

I read today that we are in the midst of a mega-catastrophe. I'm not sure the word catastrophe needs to be supplemented by "mega".

I made two grown men cry this week and I only returned to work yesterday. I think the intimacy of privacy lessons breaks down the brave mask that daily life requires. You can't work and talk about the poached elephant in the room. So you just pretend to ignore it and discreetly check the internet or your cell phone hoping that a miracle would have happened while you were distracted by work and the elephant will recover and walk again. Only every time you check in on it, there is a new blade hacking away at the poor thing.

It is very hard to be human.

Jason and I want to do something. Something physical, something direct. This feeling is, I have discovered, associated with being American. We are action takers, I have been told, always wanting to jump in and fix things. It is one of those cultural trappings that you think is just a universal human element. I first became aware of this aspect of the American "nature" listening to this episode regarding the work to rebuild Haiti.
I may be wrong but I really do think that this goes beyond the cultural confines. I heard that there are survivors who are feeling this desire so keenly that they are easing their pain by sweeping one small spot over and over. For hours. I understand that desire to do something, anything at all.

Jason thinks that we should go up there after all the radiation stuff is over and help them farm their land. Help plant the rice plugs, help bring in the harvest and tie the rice to dry over bamboo poles. I like his idea. It doesn't involve much talking, just working hard to rebuild this land that we love.
One of the men I made cry told me that it is probably going to be 10 to 20 years before it is in any livable state. That's a long time.

First though, let's hope for a miracle to kill the nuclear plant quietly and safely. It's like a rabid dog in it's descent (keeping with the animal analogy theme), trying to snap at everyone before it crashes. I am tired of it and its beta rays and neutron beams and contaminated water. It's too sci-fi and intense, we can't mourn properly until it is put down. We need an Atticus Finch to step in with his shotgun and put it out of its misery.

No, We Are Not Leaving Japan

2011-03-19T20:19:00.004+09:00

In the past few days, we have had to question our perspective of the situation here after hundreds of expats (mainly those in Tokyo) have decided to evacuate Japan, with the assistance of their respective governments. Now, I am no fan of radiation but I do watch and listen carefully and from what I understand, it isn't going to be so dangerous outside of the designated evacuation zone. For those nuclear power plant personnel who remained, for the firefighters, the policemen who are in there battling the alpha and gamma rays, yes, it is terribly dangerous. They are risking their lives for Japan and deserve a ticker-tape parade that stretches the length of Honshu. For the overstressed victims of the tsunami who are stuck in the region, of course it is alarming. But for those of us outside of the zone, even in Tokyo, I think some of us are overreacting. The government of Japan, the IAEA, the WHO, even Greenpeace say the the real effects of this nuclear emergency are not as drastic as people seem to conclude they are.

And now it is coming out that some of the nearby spinach fields were contaminated, milk may have become contaminated. Yet seriously folks, do you think that anyone in the area is thinking about harvesting spinach? Have you seen the pictures of the destruction around the plant? And how would anyone get the contaminated food out of there? They can't even manage to get basic needs supplies to the victims who are now suffering new dangers of starvation and illness due to the lack of food, fuel, medicine, and water due to the broken infrastructure combined with crazy panic buying. They are now saying that the total missing or dead may reach 20,000. 20,000. How many people are going to be seriously affected by nuclear fallout compared with that terribly serious number?
The attention needs to be redirected back to the true victims of this catastrophe.

Japan needs people now more than ever and we plan to stand by the land of the Rising Sun for as long as we can. We came to Japan for the same reasons people migrate to any place: for better opportunities, for adventure, for a global upbringing of our children. Japan has given us this and so much more. We have come of age in Japan. We have been the beneficiaries of such kindness and generosity that I could have never imagined prior to landing in Tokyo six years ago. It is our home now and though we will always be Americans, we are a bit Japanese now too and we will stay here with our brothers and sisters and help rebuild our adopted homeland. To leave now, when there is so much to do, when tomorrow has so much promise due to the collective strength and will of the people, even to consider it breaks my heart.

Today we went to Meijo Koen and were happy to discover many other families had broken away from their TVs to do the same. It was a gorgeous Spring day and you couldn't help smiling as people tossed frisbees and played tag. It was warm enough that we recovered our sense of smell and the sweet fragrance of blossoms was almost startling after our long winter. On the way out of the park, we came across this early blooming sakura. Everyone who passed by stopped to stare at the pink cherry blossoms bursting forth. One lady paused beside me and said, "When I see the sakura, I see Japan".

As horrible as the events of last week have been, it seems only fitting that such destruction should occur before the first days of Spring. It is a time for rebirth and Japan will rise from the flames stronger and wiser than before, a phoenix perched on the branches of a cherry tree in full bloom.

Quiet hope

2011-03-17T18:40:00.004+09:00

In the shadow of the cherry blossom
complete strangers
there are none…
-Kobayashi Issa

An Inventory

2011-03-16T16:54:00.004+09:00

We have:
flashlights
batteries
portable radio
portable stove
vinyl sheets
plastic bags
matches
lighter
several bottles of drinking water
several bottles of cooking water
several bottles of sports drink
cans of beans, tuna, spam
beef jerky
instant noodles, instant soup, instant rice porridge and oatmeal
dried wheat gluten
nori
dried fruit
random snacks
cash
blankets
cell phones and chargers
first aid kit
diapers

three happy and healthy kids
two adults, one who is more mellow than the other
two hamsters, both crazy
plenty of love and hope

I spent the morning in a sort of stunned amazement when we visited the nearby shopping mall to gather our usual supplies (plus a little extra, just in case). It seems that all of Nagoya already did their little extra shopping because the shelves were emptied of the sort of things you might need in say, an earthquake, or perhaps a nuclear disaster. We are really far away from Fukushima but I guess the fear of the radiation spreading is rather strong.
Or perhaps it had something to do with the small earthquake last night in Shizuoka. My money is on the latter because it seems to have thrown a few logs on the long smoldering collective fear of the Tokai Earthquake's approach. The Japanese have been waiting for the Tokai Earthquake for decades and it refuses to come. When it does decide to show, it is expected to peg its epicenter in Shizuoka. Which happens to be the next prefecture (a designation of land that falls somewhere between a county and a state) over from ours (Aichi, by the way). I admit, the fear of the Tokai Jishin (Tokai is the region I live in and Jishin means earthquake) is infectious. Not enough to make me stay under the table all day long but does make me wish I had just a few more bottles of water. You know, just in case.

Notes from the (Un)affected

2011-03-14T20:51:00.005+09:00

"In this world
we walk on the roof of hell
gazing at flowers" — Kobayashi Issa ...

It seems strange that the cherry blossoms will bloom after the tsunami. It feels like everything has stopped and yet the moon and the sun appear to be changing positions as usual.

The only way to understand how I feel now is to reflect on the national tragedies that hit my own land: 9/11 and Katrina. It is similar to 9/11 in the way that the bad news won't quit, similar to Katrina in the horrific scenes of destruction. Catastrophic in every possible way.
The difference here is the aftermath. The way the Japanese people are holding up and holding each other up. The held-back tears, the shared handkerchiefs if there is no more strength to resist the grief. All the reporters here comment on the calm manner of the survivors, the way they rally each other, encourage each other and themselves to ganbatte.
These are the qualities that have kept us here and will most likely keep us here.

"A world of trials,
and if the cherry blossoms,
it simply blossoms"

"Ours is a world of suffering
even if cherry-flowers bloom"

-both by Issa

I have no pictures to share because I am too busy watching the news and worrying about earthquakes and nuclear fallout to take pictures lately. I am sure you understand.

I would have taken a picture of our earthquake supplies ready at the door so you can later laugh at my overly cautious nature, but it is too dark since we are saving electricity. We are actually going to bed early because we aren't running the heaters and it is much better to be under the warm covers.

Earlier we had a little scare when our cell phones alerted us using the Early Earthquake Warning system that there was to be a big earthquake in our neighboring prefecture. It turned out to be a false alarm but it was the first time it had ever sounded and it rattled me. Jason ran and fetched Sebastian home and we just tidied up and waited. Sebastian's cell phone also sounded so he was aware of what was happening.
The EEW system has proven to be effective so far so just because we were lucky to have a false alarm today, doesn't mean I have lost faith in it. And today's gave us a nice rehearsal.

We've been nothing but honest with the kids because that is the only way to be, even in the face of such utter tragedy. It is only fair that they know what they are up against.

We went downtown to take care of some errands and stock up on batteries and gas canisters for the little portable stove. It was business as usual in Nagoya but the mood was definitely somber. We have noticed a shortage of bottled water, flashlights, and lighters at most stores. There was a long line at the gas station this evening, but that could have just been normal. There were only 5 people in the grocery store though and at 6 pm, that was completely abnormal and eerie.

I'm trying to keep my Facebook page updated with any news that Japan-based people could use, so you are welcome to find me there more regularly than here. Though most of the time I am watching NHK or checking the earthquake reports.

Tomorrow I have to go to a graduation ceremony at work. Then I am off for a week, thank goodness. I am going to try and distract myself with sewing and preparing for the start of the new school year. Things that go beyond today. Good things, small things, things that I have some control over.

I'll check back in within the next two days. Thank you for all your kind support and prayers for Japan. And for us. Much love to you and yours from us lucky ones, here in the Land of the Rising Sun.

Take care of yourselves.
xoxo

I'm speechless

2011-03-11T21:53:00.001+09:00

We're okay

2011-03-11T16:43:00.003+09:00

We felt it and will probably feel aftershocks, but we are okay. It felt like a ferry ride, rolling and gentle here. Not like it was up north. Here is the most reliable source for updates: Japan Meteorological Agency.

Hope everything is stable and well where you are.

xoxo

Macro(in)tentions

2011-03-10T21:49:00.006+09:00

This is one of our once-a-day macrobiotic meals. Yes, we are still only managing to eat 1/3s macrobiotically but some is better than none, right? In April I get a new schedule and hopefully it will mean that I will come home before 8:00 on most nights. Hopefully. Our crazy jigsaw schedule does not give a lot of space for whole foods cooking. We do what we can and sometimes, that really is all you can do. Very zen of me, huh? It comes from living in Japan for too long and reading all the messed up Engrish on the tee-shirts here.

I will tell you that after we all eat a good (and this is defined on a learning curve, believe me) macromeal, then we all seem really happy. Light and joyous. So much that it makes you wonder why you ever eat the other stuff at all. It reminds me of when I get tipsy from too much New Year's champagne and start laughing at how tightly wound I am when I am not drinking champagne. Of course, eating more macrobiotically actually does make you happier whereas drinking more champagne results in something less pleasant, so perhaps the analogy is skewed. Hopefully you can see the direction my sleep-deprived brain is trying to steer you.

When I eat well, I feel well. I suddenly understand missionaries because I want to be one, spreading the gospel of macrobiotics with grains of brown rice. I know that it sucks to be preached to, that I can easily be labeled a hypocrite with my coffee and pocketful of sneaky-chocolates. I think the urge to give sermons about the wonders of eating well comes from the heart, so please don't throw stones at me. It is a knee-jerk reaction. The joy that arises is so pure, so plentiful, it must be shared.

I'll give you something for putting up with me and my macroranting. Here's the recipe for that tofu you see up there, smothered in negimiso sauce. You can omit the sugar or replace it with brown rice syrup, if you like. It's very tasty and very easy, especially since you can make a batch of negimiso and keep it in the fridge for a while. You can put it on all sorts of things but we usually slather slabs of tofu with it then throw them under the grill. It's our go-to main dish for those late nights when I don't get in before eight. Enjoy!

xoxo

Maybe May

2011-03-09T22:36:00.003+09:00

This is one of my favorite sights. To you it may look like laundry, to me it looks like possibilities. What you see here drying in the lovely morning light are different cuts of fabric, each one selected with a different purpose in mind. I have really returned to my love of sewing since we moved to Nagoya. It may have something to do with my workplace being three blocks from the Otsukaya. I can easily spend many hours and much yen squeezing through the crowds of shoppers and stacks of fabric there. It is the same feeling I get when I visit art stores, libraries, or my favorite bookstore. I get infected with the prospect of a creative act, even if I still can't manage to find the time to complete even the most promising creations. If you are experiencing a drought of inspiration, I encourage you to go to the supply store of your choice. Sometimes the well needs to be replenished.

I have been flooded with inspiration lately and the energy and time to see projects through. It is very satisfying and I have discovered in the wake of such rushes that I possess a surplus of products. Products that may as well be sold to someone who may want them. On May Day, I will be opening an Etsy store. I figure that in doing so, I am embracing the holiday by celebrating the labor of love.

In the meantime, I also have to finish my first postcards for the Handmade Postcard swap. They are due to be posted on the 20th. I have my design and have started the stamps. It is so fun to have a project like this on my plate, amongst the several non-enjoyable projects I am also tackling these days (read: work-related. humph.)

Right now, I have to go break in my new cutting mat, if my luck continues and the babes keep snoozing. Hope everything is bright and sunny for you and yours. Take care.

xoxo

And we're back

2011-03-08T22:21:00.002+09:00

Hi. Sorry about the silence. We've just been, well, being.

Here are a few things that I, the neglectful reporter on this here blog, omitted from sharing, just out of pure laziness and distance from the computer. I am unabashedly lazy in the winter.

We enrolled this kid in kindergarten. He starts next month.

Hina Matsuri came and went. It was fun to eat pink foods and maybe some year I'll dress Colette in kimono like they did in the good ol' days.

This guy is going into second grade next month. Mindblowing.

We have quite a few things crammed up our sleeves these days...

Many good changes are on the way, including more of this lazy reporter trying to strike a healthy balance between my analog life and digital life. I want to connect and share good things like birds hiding in plum trees but without becoming a cyborg. I'm sure there is a middle path I can navigate that crosses through both lives, I just need to find it.

Hope you are all warm and wonderful.

xoxo

Handmade Postcard Swap Update

2011-02-08T11:18:00.000+09:00

Oni wa soto, fuku wa uchi

2011-02-04T21:37:00.002+09:00

It happened again. Ogres entered our house and were driven out by local bean-throwing heros shouting, "Out with the demons, in with good fortune".
(Read: We turned out the lights, put on masks and terrified our children who were crying too hard to throw the soybeans, so we took off the masks, turned on the lights, and ate the beans.)

While we were celebrating Setsubun and eating makizushi, others were ringing in the new year with dragon dances and predicting the future with giant rodents. Relatively speaking, teaching our kids to exorcise demons hardly seems strange. And the beans are rather tasty.

Here's to the year of the rabbit. May your winter be short and your fortunes be great.

Detours+Destinations

2011-01-31T08:43:00.002+09:00

There is no doubt that I am experiencing a brief period of grief for the loss of the preschool position. I read a blog post on the matter and I am grateful now to have the framework to describe my current state. Teaching is a deeply personal profession and since we teachers depend on schools to provide us with our livelihoods, selecting a good school is crucial. In attempting to be hired by the preschool, I was actually trying to shift my career from being a language teacher to being a classroom teacher of young learners. Not being able to do this on my first attempt, I have to reassess if I want to make such a transition.

In fact, right now I am forced to do a lot of introspective inquiries (well, more than usual for a Buddhist and amateur philosopher). One thing I have determined is that I am not that keen on committing to either language teaching or preschool teaching. Or anything that requires me to be out of the home for most of the week. I want to concentrate on my writing and (this is difficult to share) my art. I want to learn how to communicate in Japanese so that I can meet other people who like concentrating on their creative endeavors.

So this is the blessing in disguise of this failed application to the preschool.
Instead of worrying about jobs, I am going to use my non-teaching time better. Wish me luck in this. It's easier to write resumes than short stories.

xoxo

Fresh+Start

2011-01-28T22:49:00.003+09:00

So, to explain what has been happening: I was vying for a very nice job at a preschool in Shizuoka for the past month and a half. I was short-listed then it came down to me and another candidate. I went there for an interview, saw Mount Fuji, saw what a partial immersion school looked like, then came home with the sense that it wasn't going to happen.
I am disappointed, I will admit it. It would have been great for the kids (they waive the tuition for their teachers' children, and it's an IB school that goes from preschool to senior high school) and I thought it would have been ideal on many other levels.
Yet, I must accept it, and not as a failure. I am sure the other teacher was more qualified than me and so I wish her and the school all the best.

And as for me, I have a full life here right now. And frankly, it's such a relief to be released from the stress of limbo that I don't feel as disappointed as I had anticipated. There is a new found freedom in our stability that I intend to embrace and explore. After I received my rejection, I questioned the reason for all of my anxiety and concentrated focus on this possibility. I don't quite have the answer except that it has made me look at my life as it is with fresh eyes. If I can use this renewed perspective to move forward in the direction we really want, then the brief heartbreak I had from not getting the job will be worth it. It is my resolution to use this as a step, not a fall.

xoxo

Preoccupied

2011-01-26T18:54:00.002+09:00

An interesting prospect has had us distracted for a bit. The worst is over and now we are awaiting the outcome. It shouldn't take long. The less positive side of me forecasts disappointment on the horizon. The more positive side gently reminds me that regardless of the answer, I am a lucky girl. Which is ever so true. Plus I get another lesson in patience, a virtue I am not so skilled in.
In times like these, it is necessary to stay on the sunny side. And maybe eat a little ice cream.

Xoxo

White Silence

2011-01-16T20:51:00.001+09:00

Our first true snow of the year.

this is sunday.

2011-01-16T09:58:00.002+09:00

this is sunday is another side project of mine, designed to help me pay attention to my day of お休み(oyasumi=rest).

between you and me, this working mother thing is not easy right now. i bring a lot of baggage home with me that i unreasonably feel compelled to sort through when i know i just need to find a padlock and keep it tightly shut so it doesn't spill out and clutter my days off.

this project is that padlock.

react to what you see

2011-01-15T21:25:00.002+09:00

Wintering

2011-01-06T20:43:00.002+09:00

The winter holidays are spent and now we are back on our respective school/work tracks.

Yes, I am sighing a little. Did you hear me?

We had two weeks straight of time together and a grand time was had by all. We are entering into the final semester of the Japanese school calendar. It's a short term and we'll be together for another two weeks in March.
(Followed quickly by Golden Week in June. And summer holidays in August. And don't forget Silver Week in September. And those random national holidays in October and November. Then, of course, there are two weeks off in December.
I am very grateful to be a teacher in Japan.)

I didn't accomplish much over the vacation despite my productivity.
What I did was: I cooked meals and folded clothes and nursed sick children and played at the park and helped with their homework.

Usually before a break, I make a giant master list of what I hope will happen and it typically looks like this:
-teach Sebastian to read
-teach Nico to read
-study Japanese for 3 hours every night
-sew three dresses
-write a short story
-clean the entire house
-meditate

Funnily enough, I always fail to meet my lofty goals. Strange, huh, considering how I usually strategize my minutes and make a careful schedule, allotting what seems like enough time for me create a new wardrobe and educate my boys plus learning the piano and getting in shape.

The problem is that I map out my time at work, where they have such things as clocks that run according to a standard time, recognized by other workplaces all over the universe. When I cross my threshold though, I am crossing into another timezone that is set according to the heartbeats of my children.

This holiday, I remembered and respected the ebb and flow of home life. I like rising with my sons and being with them until their frantic energy softens to match their deep breaths. I like seeing neighbors chatting in the quiet street and birds flit away from the balcony when I open the door to hang up yet another load of laundry.

And you know what? They have been two of the sunniest weeks of my life. I hope to carry some of the peace and joy generated over these past 14 days with me as I push off for another long stretch of strained schedules and ticking clocks.

Wishing you all peace and joy.
xo

I like making postcards. I like getting postcards.

2011-01-02T21:33:00.007+09:00

Here is how it will work:

After the 2/28 sign-up deadline, I will send everyone a sheet of all of the addresses of the participants. If 20 people sign up, then there will be 19 postcards to make and send for 12 months. (So far there are four people besides for myself participating. I hope this doesn't seem overwhelming.) It's sometimes easier to make more postcards than less. The postcards should feature original artwork which can be made in any medium or format you like. I will probably be using block prints since I want to develop my carving skills. You could use anything like stickers, Photoshop, potato stamps, watercolors, masking tape, pencils, magazine clippings. As for the message, you don't have to worry about writing some witty message for 19 different people, unless you want to. It is sufficient just to write the addresses. Since some of the participants will be in different countries, there is the cost of postage to consider. It is nominal, I think, roughly around ten USD a month. Postcards should be sent by the 20th of the month before the featured month. For example, April's postcard (the first one) should be mailed by March 20th.

I think that this will be a good exercise in prolonged creativity as well as a means of connecting to people around the world for a year in a way that predates Facebook and Twitter. In the end you will have a collection of original artwork that will hopefully inspire you to continue your own creative endeavors.

I am really looking forward to getting started with this. For me, it is a commitment that I predict will be sometimes a struggle to meet but I also know that a little stress on my creative muscles will make me stronger. Doing such a project with others generates a form of energy and collaboration that will make the 12 months more dynamic and, of course, more interesting.

And I do love getting mail.
If you do too and would like to participate, sign up here.

A Declaration of Macrobiotics

2011-01-01T21:03:00.007+09:00

To understand the universe
I will first start with this bowl of brown rice
And my two chopsticks

About a month ago here, I let it be known that we would be starting to change our diet in the new year. We've been considering it for such a while that this final resolution to switch was simply the next natural step. I know that there is a lot of confusion around what it means to be macrobiotic so I thought I would take a moment in the beginning to state what it is we are up to, so as not to alarm the grandparents in the audience.

As every introduction to every macrobiotics book will tell you, the word macrobiotics means "great life". Perhaps this will seem strange considering that many people, including people who long ago declared themselves to be macrobiotic, often see the diet as restrictive and even penalizing. Obviously the word "diet" is too loaded for most; as a teacher, I find it similar to the word "method". So instead of adding more layers of assumption and confusion to our intent, let me instead say that we are going to follow macrobiotic principles in making daily life decisions such as eating, consumption, and human interactions. This approach to living is a pragmatic way to help us actualize our philosophies within our strained schedules. It is not an extreme way of life: it is a move away from extremities towards a balanced middle path. And living in Japan, it is quite easy in many ways to make the switch since washoku principles, the traditional Japanese diet, are akin to those promoted through macrobiotics. The main difference is the focus on whole grains and the dedicated ambition of achieving balance and harmony.

Now, all this sounds good, I can hear you saying. Who wouldn't want a great life? Well, there are some "catches" if you will but it isn't a matter of absolute black and white polarity as is so commonly the means for many failed good intentions. The idea is to avoid extreme foods because they lead to extreme physical, mental, and emotional states. So sugar, for one, is essentially out. Caffenine, coffee, salty foods, processed foods, large animal meats, dairy, and eggs are all essentially out. I say essentially because if you do indulge in such foods, you aren't going to have to walk the plank of the Great Life cruise liner. Macrobiotics is a continent. If you wander out to sea a bit, you just swim back to shore where a hot bowl of miso soup will be waiting for you.

In regards to the kids, they'll be fine. School lunch is fine, occasional treats are just that. We will make and serve food that we consider is the best for their well-being. And they may not like it. And that's okay. But we have the advantage, like I said, of living in Japan. They already love sea vegetables and burdock root. None of it is foreign for them. So please don't worry that we are depriving them in any way. I hope in the long run will be helping them to discover their own great lives.

If you have any questions, please leave a comment or email me. Thanks for reading!