Year of the Snake

Words.
I am experiencing a drought of words.

Or, perhaps, it is not for lack of words to string together.
Perhaps it is just that I have yet to successfully saddle and mount time. There is a bridle in place but my hands are caught and twisted in the reins. I'm being dragged around by a beastly stallion and I don't even have the sense to complain.
Is it a poor excuse? Perhaps.

It has almost been one year since I left teaching full-time. I never knew before how very short a year could be.

It has been two years since the disaster in Northern Japan. Two years since a tsunami washed away thousands of lives and my misconceptions of what I wanted in life.

I haven't been writing here because I have been busy elsewhere but without any tangible results to share. I know that this space is more of a process bulletin board but for my own idea of this online record of events, I would like to try and reach my own bizarre standards. Unfortunately, this means that I try to write here when the computer is free (unusual) and when my mind is clear (unlikely). Essentially impossible conditions in a small apartment crowded with littles.

The first post after an extended break is always the hardest. What do I tell and how much of it should I share?

Maybe if I break it into bite-sized bullet points then it will be simpler:

-Nico is graduating from kindergarten on Friday.
-Nico is starting elementary school in April.
-Sebastian will be a fourth grader.
-From April, I will teach part-time, Jason will teach part-time.
-I started a resin jewelry Etsy shop.
-We don't know how everything will work out.
-We don't know where we will end up. Everywhere is lovely and awful. We can no longer search outside of ourselves for utopia.
- I've been obsessed with this idea of Huxley's: "Maybe this world is another planet’s hell.”
-I cried watching this movie.
-Luca is a full-fledged walker who loves rice and vegetables. He also weighs almost 29 pounds.
-I am not reaching my writing quota. Getting the shop running has taken over all spare minutes. And there were not so many to begin with so I had to make some up. Like the minutes that fall after midnight.
-Jason bought a suit today and was highly disgruntled about it.
-The cherry blossoms will bloom soon. Again.

So, maybe that is good for now. I'll do my best to post at least twice a week from here on. For my own crazy standards, not for you, patient reader. I know that if you are reading this now, you're ready to wait me out.

xoxo

My Lovely Nippon

So, I realize my last post was a little bleak and despairing. That nuclear contamination sign is not exactly eye candy. The truth is that the facts are bleak and despairing. There is rampant corruption, media censorship, and terrible consequences of Fukushima Daichi's meltdown arising daily. (And yes, it was a meltdown and terribly enough it will be worse before it gets better.)
I have a hard time living in negativity. I have been naive in my assessment of how the government and TEPCO would handle their responsibilities. This doesn't mean I am in any way forsaking Japan. No, not my lovely Japan.
There are a lot of terrible truths that the country must deal with but one truth that will pull us through is the Japan of Japan. The soul of the country will survive this awful catastrophe. Of that I am certain.
It may be that we have to leave Honshu or return to the States for a bit. This bothers me but I want to respond to my fears with something more positive. Something that showcases my unwavering affection for these islands. So I started a new photography blog on Tumblr called My Lovely Nippon. It is an ever-increasing collection of images old and new that I believe capture a bit of that je ne sais quoi that keeps Japan in my heart. As the new reality unfolds, Japan will seem tainted but the true beauty cannot be contaminated.



xoxo

The Artful Blogger

With only 2 days left of 2011, I suppose it is time to reveal some of my resolutions for the coming year. One of them includes this blog and another, Hakanasa. I know I have been a neglectful and often absentminded blogger. I have had second thoughts about maintaining a blog, about spending so much time online. But now with the other shorter forms of social media, I have become quite fond of the blog. It gives me room to breathe and share. This blog in particular serves the practical purpose of connecting our daily family life with our distant friends and family. So one of my resolutions for 2012 is to post here daily, even if it is just a photograph and a caption. I want to become more disciplined and I want to have a better record of our time. I have an offline project such record-keeping corresponds to but I will save the details for another day. So starting on the first, each post will be numbered by the day of the year and if I am faithful, by this time next year the title of the post will be 364. More than my current total of posts in my entire five year history of blogging.

As for my other blog, Hakanasa is a space for me to share things that are of a more Tiffany-centric nature. Things about Buddhism, education, ecology, literature, and art + craft. It will resemble my journal more than this blog does but not in an intimate teenage way. In my offline journal (aka a spiral bound drawing pad), I keep newspaper clippings, sketches of things that catch my eyes, laundry lists, and ideas that need to be saved for later. It is a cumbersome thing with scraps of paper and dried leaves slipping out if opened too quickly. The online version will hopefully be less messy though I make no promises. I started it because I feel that my online identity is a little stunted and I wanted a room of my own to define myself better. With four(!) kids, such a place is inconceivable offline so I am looking forward to moving into the new blog and making it my own space. You are welcome to visit if you wish. Beware though, I will not be as guarded as I am here since when I write on this blog I am supremely conscious of the fact that my family is reading and I tend to be inhibited. Over on Hakanasa, I will post blind to the idea of my potential audience.

As for the name, Hakanasa, it is a Japanese term that I became enamored with last year as the cherry blossoms floated on the warm breeze despite the collective mourning period we were suffering through after March. This post has a little more on the term and my blog will favor the third definition.

I'll drop by tomorrow with some more resolutions. Until then my friends, take care.