久しぶりな

And that is what we call a blog break.

So, yes, we made it back to Japan. We are now beginning our third year on Gotou Island.

Right now, Colette is busy copying kanji into her daily practice notebook. She's a new 2nd grader.

Luca is washing chocolate ice cream off his face and reading a book about fruit. He's in his second year of youchien and can read in both hiragana and katakana.

Sebastian just came in at 7:30 from kendo and is eating a giant bowl of spaghetti. Because he's almost fourteen. And he's taller than me. And a new first grader in junior high school.

And Nicolai? He's got all his stuff ready for tomorrow and put the futons down and is currently playing his 3DS under the covers. He's in fourth grade now. And also does kendo though not everyday like Sebastian.

So, yeah, it's been a while. After a little bit elsewhere, I have decided to return to this space. Because across the entire internet, this little corner feels the most like home.

Hope you have all been well. xo

Giving Thanks

The dinner is finished. It was a small affair consisting of just me and the kids. Our menu was good for us: a tofurky, Syracuse salt potatoes, blanched green beans with a shoyu butter sauce, matcha ice cream, and persimmons. Now the kids are before the television, finishing up the Star Wars trilogy that they borrowed from their grandmother.

Since we are international nomads, our traditions for holidays like today are not like our neighbours'. We only do two things the same every year on Thanksgiving, here and in Japan. We talk about what we are happy for (a little bit easier of a concept for the younger two) and we collect our centrepiece from around the neighbourhood before we eat. It is a very small tradition but it is one we enjoy very much.

Among the many things listed during our gratitude rundown (including being able to live here with support from our family) was a shared excitement for the move ahead of us. For those of you who have not yet heard, we are moving back to Japan at the end of March. To be exact, we are moving back to Goto. We are definitely grateful to have this opportunity as we really feel it will be the best for everyone in our family.
Another thing we are grateful for that follows the move to Goto is that we are ever so appreciative of all those who support this move both morally and financially. Due to the short amount of time we have to raise funds for the event, we have had to start a little crowdsourcing endeavour (seen up on the right there). The response has been really amazing and we are both humbled and encouraged by everyone's support.
And last but not least, I am grateful for you, my darling reader(s). I am so glad you stick by me and my words and random thoughts. It truly means a lot and I will do my best to make this place worthy of your attention. Like by writing a little more often than every four months...

I hope you American readers are having a warm and safe holiday with your loved ones. And for the rest of you, I hope you are also warm and safe with your loved ones at hand, wherever you may be.

Happy Thanksgiving.

To My Children, My Magnum Opus

I really don't need Mother's Day. I don't need a card or carnations, I don't need chocolates and a brunch at an outdoor cafe. Why would I need a special holiday to celebrate my everyday status? There is no disregard in my days that warrants a Hallmark intervention. My children love me, they love me more than I deserve. I may do 100% for them everyday but they give me double that in an hour. I don't want to be exalted and crowned with a paper tiara. I just want to keep working on the debt that I owe my children, even though I know I will never be able to repay it in full.

Thank you, Sebastian. Thank you, Nicolai. Thank you, Colette. Thank you, Luca.
Thank you for making me your mother.

And, like that, Nicolai entered elementary school.

We not only made it to the highly anticipated entrance ceremony, somehow it is already over. I'm pretty sure we just did this ordeal with Sebastian yesterday and yet he tells me that tomorrow he starts as a fourth grader. Though sometimes a little sneaky, he is fairly honest so I guess I have to believe him.

 

For the first time in years there will be two first grade classes at the neighborhood elementary school. Both of them have 30 plus students. In America, I am sure this would not be something to be celebrated but in a country suffering from a rapidly declining population, it is a good sign.

 

Nicolai's new teacher's name is Ruriko-sensei and she is new to the school. Luckily, Sebastian's old teacher who speaks excellent English, will be around to help Nicolai transition to elementary school life. Though his Japanese is good, it is still developing so knowing he will have a little extra support is comforting for everyone (including his new sensei, I suspect).

 

At the entrance ceremony, the sixth grade students led the first graders in which is just so utterly symbolic that you can't miss it. This year, we know quite a few of the sixth graders because when Sebastian started they were just third graders. The benefit of staying in one place for a while has been the honor of watching the neighborhood kids unfold. It all happens so quick, too quick. You can watch it but in one blink they go from babes in arms to thriving, independent adolescents, showing the new class the way.

Year of the Snake

Words.
I am experiencing a drought of words.

Or, perhaps, it is not for lack of words to string together.
Perhaps it is just that I have yet to successfully saddle and mount time. There is a bridle in place but my hands are caught and twisted in the reins. I'm being dragged around by a beastly stallion and I don't even have the sense to complain.
Is it a poor excuse? Perhaps.

It has almost been one year since I left teaching full-time. I never knew before how very short a year could be.

It has been two years since the disaster in Northern Japan. Two years since a tsunami washed away thousands of lives and my misconceptions of what I wanted in life.

I haven't been writing here because I have been busy elsewhere but without any tangible results to share. I know that this space is more of a process bulletin board but for my own idea of this online record of events, I would like to try and reach my own bizarre standards. Unfortunately, this means that I try to write here when the computer is free (unusual) and when my mind is clear (unlikely). Essentially impossible conditions in a small apartment crowded with littles.

The first post after an extended break is always the hardest. What do I tell and how much of it should I share?

Maybe if I break it into bite-sized bullet points then it will be simpler:

-Nico is graduating from kindergarten on Friday.
-Nico is starting elementary school in April.
-Sebastian will be a fourth grader.
-From April, I will teach part-time, Jason will teach part-time.
-I started a resin jewelry Etsy shop.
-We don't know how everything will work out.
-We don't know where we will end up. Everywhere is lovely and awful. We can no longer search outside of ourselves for utopia.
- I've been obsessed with this idea of Huxley's: "Maybe this world is another planet’s hell.”
-I cried watching this movie.
-Luca is a full-fledged walker who loves rice and vegetables. He also weighs almost 29 pounds.
-I am not reaching my writing quota. Getting the shop running has taken over all spare minutes. And there were not so many to begin with so I had to make some up. Like the minutes that fall after midnight.
-Jason bought a suit today and was highly disgruntled about it.
-The cherry blossoms will bloom soon. Again.

So, maybe that is good for now. I'll do my best to post at least twice a week from here on. For my own crazy standards, not for you, patient reader. I know that if you are reading this now, you're ready to wait me out.

xoxo

Mistakes are really discoveries

Nico's really into making things with paper. Origami, paper cuts, boxes, birds, you name it and it will be in paper form in a matter of minutes. (As I type this Jason is trying to convince Nico to delay the tape-box he's making for me until after dinner. It's like water off a stone with our determined boy.)

A few weeks ago, I taught Nico how to make snowflakes. A thousand snowflakes later and I am prepared to declare him an addict. Now and then though, he makes a mistake. I say mistake only because that is how he perceives them. I am not sure if his idea of perfection is rooted in nature or nurture but I do know that I want him to relinquish the negativity he associates with mistakes and see them for what they really are: learning opportunities. Thomas Edison said regarding his failed lightbulbs "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work".

Mistakes can also be a source of discovery, as Nico found out today. 

A broken snowflake is really just a pair of wings.


And once one person has a pair of wings...



Colette was happy to be a choucho (butterfly) and immediately jumped off the couch with great hopes. Landing with a thud, she said あれ (Japanese for 'huh?'). I love that she believed she could fly.


I also love that when Sebastian return from playing with friends, Nico asked him if he wanted a pair of wings too. 

 I love that Sebastian said of course.

Rock, scissors...

(Gu Choki Pa candy- ramune flavor)

In the next few weeks, we will be able to announce which direction our little family is headed in the river of life. Until then, I can say that I will be resurrecting the Etsy shop or an Etsy shop soon. It will be a collaboration of Jason's and the kids' designs and my hands. I was going to do it before but got swept (rightfully) into the busyness of the kids' flow and my writing. At one point I was really anxious about it all but now, I think I might have struck a decent balance that takes care of everyone. The trick, it turns out, is setting flexible distant deadlines. And being kind and forgiving to yourself. Realizing there are only 24 hours in a day and working within that framework is a lot easier than trying to push the boundaries of time to suit your needs. It is one of those lessons you must learn for yourself. Staying home with the kids means I have a new rhythm in my day, freedom from set schedules but there are certain points which must be met to make family life smoother. Mealtimes. Clean laundry. Story time. Park time. Turns out kids like consistency and food. Luckily they are not so concerned with the finer details of housework and would rather see me making something than dusting. I haven't quite gotten them to appreciate the time I spend at my desk muttering do myself and hunched over my keyboard but that is what the post-bedtime hours are for.
So be on your guard. Gu Choki Pa is back.
xo

Home Study Days

One of the challenges of raising bilingual kids is helping them to learn in both languages. For the most part we are more concerned with their childhood experience, encouraging exploration and acts of empathy/sympathy. We try to let them have as much free time as possible in the afternoons so they can play with friends or each other. For the most part, they determine how their time is spent, an element that is crucial as they step closer day by day toward adulthood.



I do want them to be scholastically well-equipped to support their journey through this world. So this year while I have been on maternity leave, we have started doing home study days. We sit down twice a week and do some formalized lessons, either with paper worksheets or more tactile materials. As you may remember, I try to incorporate Montessori methods in our home whenever possible. Colette is using the sandpaper letters and metal insets in preparation for writing. She is super alert to finding her "w's" as she refers to the alphabet whenever we are out and about. During the day I do more practical Montessori activities with her like pouring rice and dressing frames to learn how to use buttons and laces.



Nicolai is into Bob books, the movable alphabet, and math. Yep, math. He walks around counting by threes and fours and loves the hundreds board app on the iPad. The boy sits down and writes out addition problems, filling out the entire page with sums.

For Sebastian, I just try to supplement his school work to help him in what his teacher considers to be his weaker areas. I personally abide by the theories of multiple intelligences and various learning styles. I do not think Sebastian's weaker areas are truly weak but since the school wants well-rounded students, I try to help him to feel more confident in areas that he is not so interested in. I also work with him on his English reading which was really slow going until recently when we switched from phonics to sight words. And he is such a rabid reader in Japanese that I do not worry about his abilities.

We are still smoothing out some of the kinks of home study time (and by kinks I mean resolving disputes sparked by having three very determined and different learners at one table) but that is all part of the journey.

Hello September.

Well, we are four months into this whole six person family deal and let me tell you, it is something else.

This guy is a gentle giant weighing in this month at 17.6 pounds and 27 inches long. And he's got three bottom teeth rising out of his gooey gums like pearls.

September means that summer is on its way out and school is back in session (thank goodness). It also means that a certain person around here will celebrate her matching digits birthday by taking a trip to Nara and Kyoto with the whole gang in tow.

I love the mild seasons and look forward to cruising around town on our bikes under the golden ginkgo trees.

Hope all is well with you and yours.

Summer Lovin'

We have been having a blast this summer. Now that everyone is healthy we are making the most of getting outdoors. We only do excursions twice a week since Jason and I are both working on projects that require us to be home. Also, these excursions are a little exhausting and require a bit of recovery time. Like yesterday's trip to the beach. Without a car, getting four littles and their reluctant father to the beach was not an easy feat. We left early and came home late with countless station transfers in between. The sunburnt shoulders are proof that we not only made it to Utsumi Beach, but that we played in the Pacific Ocean for as long as possible.


One of the reasons we are enjoying summer more this year is due to the recent acquisition of the long sought after Family Bicycle. It makes getting around so much easier that for a few days it was hard to keep us indoors (and working on those projects I mentioned earlier).


We have a few more excursions before Nico has to return to kindergarten (for marching band practice of all things). Science museum, zoo, Pokemon movie, and the city fruit park. Sebastian is really excited about the last two things. The lull between the excursions are deemed boring but I think he also likes the lazy days too of reading comic books and building monsters in clay.

Summer is now ranking as the number one season on our charts. How's it going on yours?

Whoop, whoop

Just in case life wasn't already interesting with the normal aspects of raising four sub-10 year-old kids in a two bedroom apartment, we received some bonus challenges. You heard about the chicken pox but I haven't told you the other illness that took hold of my littles during these last months. They have been coughing their way through the whooping cough (though their doctors disagree ((yes, doctors)) and say it is just a cough). It is frustrating because it is one of the vaccines we were firm on and yet here we are, two months into the 100 day cough, still patting backs and steaming up the shower room in the middle of the night. Sebastian is back to normal now and the others are getting closer themselves. I thought we had a set back with Colette and Luca this week but it turns out that they are both teething. Colette has some mean molars coming in and Luca's bottom front teeth are starting to push through his gums. So I guess being sick won't put him off-track developmentally (such thoughts do surface in a sleep-deprived mother's head).
Besides for being a chunky, drooling monkey, this kid can flip himself onto his belly in two seconds flat.




I almost didn't share the fact of their whooping cough here because I felt a certain sense of shame for having sick kids. Then I realized that shame was something pushed onto me by a society that believes in the power of modern medicine to a fault. It is frustrating because here we are, with vaccinated kids (well, mostly vaccinated- see chickenpox 2012) and when we take our kids to the Western trained doctors, it turns out there is nothing they can do. Even antibiotics don't really work for this cough. All around the world, there are now large-scale outbreaks of whooping cough, affecting both the vaccinated and unvaccinated since it is a new strain that is vaccine-resistant. This is hardly news but what bothers me is that it is blamed on unvaccinated families and left at that. Why not try to work on treatment for the illness since the vaccine is becoming ineffective? The problem here is essentially phlegm. There has to be some way of dissolving or thinning the mucous so that the coughing fits aren't so violent.
My kids have been relatively lucky. They only get the coughing fits and for the most part are healthy as usual. If you Google whooping cough, you will be scared out of your wits and probably with due justification. We are also lucky since the kids have full medical care coverage and all pediatricians here operate on a walk-in basis. We never hesitate to take our kids in to the doctor.
So my wish for other families, having survived this illness, is that medical researchers find something more effective than just a stop-gap vaccine. The less people have to suffer the 100 day cough, the better. I also hope for American families that all of the states (such as my home state of Florida) stop trying to block the Affordable Care Act. With so many supposedly irradiated illnesses on the rebound, parents should never have to hesitate because of cash when it comes to seeking medical help.

P.S. For anyone suffering the 100 day cough, we found that lotus root tea helped to disperse the phlegm. Ginger tea works well too.  Lots of love, patience, and steamy air will help those days go by easier, if not cut 100 days in half. Best of luck to you.

I Can Hardly Wait

And he's nine. Just like that.
Nine years ago Sebastian was welcomed into the world with his grandparents and our friends (his godparents) waiting outside the door. His was by far my longest labor and everyone had been waiting since the morning of the 19th for Sebastian to make his appearance. He wasn't too concerned with time (a trait he still possesses) and waited until 1:15 am on the 20th to slide into this world. He has transformed from that pale dark-eyed baby to my energetic and dramatic boy, the oldest of four kids.
I am fiercely proud of Sebastian. It isn't easy being our son and being the first child. It isn't easy to be thrown into school where everyone shares the same home language and culture that is rather different from his own. And despite his occasional grumblings, he steps up to the plate everyday.
Happy 9 years together, my beautiful boy.

How does your garden grow

It has only been a couple of weeks since we started our gardening venture. I am so glad to have brought this into our lives. We all get so much pleasure in watering the plants and watching them thrive. Colette is the Queen of the Watering Can so I have to get out there before she does in the morning to make sure all the plants get watered. And she has learned the valuable lesson of not crushing the plants, or plucking them out of the ground. Now she is very careful and hardly ever plays with their dirt. Sebastian is pleased because the sunflower seeds that he planted, most of the twenty(!) seeds, sprouted and are zooming up in all directions right now. Jason even contributed to the mix by adding that lovely little hydrangea with the perfect antique blue tiny blossoms.

It is an addictive habit, this gardening stuff. This weekend we plan to add eggplant, shiso, rosemary, and salad greens. And we will be starting a little compost container to use all of our kitchen scraps, perhaps using the bokashi method. It is part of my goal of cutting our garbage production in half.

The best thing about this experience has been involving the kids in every step. They already have a natural interest in all things growing (and all things in general, of course) and the boys get to do a little gardening at both of their schools. Colette is happiest when she is digging and using her hands so this new routine of ours is perfect for her. I do worry about their attitude towards the natural world living in a human curated city that is heavy on the concrete and light on the green. This balcony garden of ours has given us a tiny corner of botany and ecology, of responsibility and togetherness. I just wish we had started it sooner.

Summer Project: Gardening

Now that I have caught my breath, I am ready to begin tackling my epic maternity leave laundry-list. This mega list has its own sections and subsections. I won't share all the glorious details with you since I don't want to bore you or jinx myself. But I think I am safe sharing the section headed Summer Projects as they are kid-related and I suspect that is what most of you tune in for.

I have wanted to start a little container garden like, um, forever. Being a band of traveling gypsies, it is hard to overcome my resistance to putting any kind of roots down, literal or otherwise. Now that I am home and have more time to consider things properly, I decided that there was no time like the present for starting a tiny garden. Mainly because gardening is good for the kids on many levels and because we live in the hottest concrete jungle in Japan so we really need that bit of green.


So here we have tomatoes, peppers, basil, bitter melon, and sunflowers. Each kid has their own plant to tend: Nico chose the pepper, Colette has the basil. Sebastian's are the sunflowers, his favorite flower being a summer child. Also, we can use any seeds from the flowers to feed the hamsters later.

I am caring for the tomato and bitter melon. The bitter melon will hopefully stretch upwards on the netting, their lush vines forming a 'green curtain'. It is our contribution to setsuden, energy saving in a reduced-nuclear Japan. Another summer project in the making.

Thoughts of Transition

Now, it is the pleasure of my everyday chores, the warm sunshine of Spring, the songbirds, the children laughing during their recess in the schoolyard next-door.
My heart is ripe with gratitude. How lucky I am to be here, right now.

I want to chronicle the stars and air and sounds for Luca, the setting of his first chapter. Most important, I want to remember this sweet period right before he joins us so that later (perhaps when he is sixteen and pimply, sneaking cigarettes and breaking curfew) I will have something luxurious and soft to pull from my battered mothering box, a cloak to wrap around my sweet boy and protect him from my easy judgments and exasperations.

Every mother has a pile of these memories, perched on the edge of our minds, at the ready.

These quiet, mundane weeks before Luca is born are now ready to be folded and put away. I can feel a shift occurring in my body and mind. Every minute lived is another minute closer to Luca. Soon I will have memories of woven with details that only a parent can savor, like those tiny, tiny fingernails and the way his eyelids will flutter while he is lost in newborn dreams.

The whole family seems to sense the transition. Every morning I wake up surrounded by my children, all of them quietly vying for my attention, even if it is just passive physical contact. They perhaps sense that my attention will stray for a little while, to be focused on a little one instead of homework assignments and skinned knees. The boys are more understanding but I wonder how Colette will respond to this coup. In these days before she loses the Baby crown, I am kissing those sweet cheeks just a little more often, giving her more time to gather her rocks and dig in the sand at the playground. I think she will like the Big Sister crown just as well, though it might fit a little awkwardly at first.

(6)

When I came home from my first day back, the littlest one was cranky and so I laid down with her. Before I knew it, I was surrounded by the whole gang.

Christmas Eve::Cookies

Made three different types this year. Sebastian had Christmas parties to attend so he brought some of them with him. Chocolate chunk walnut, gingerbread, and fudge crinkles. The house is warm and smells so sweet. And it might snow tonight. I have it on good authority that Santa loves fresh cookies on snowy nights. Maybe with a hot cup of amasake to wash them down.

Happy Christmas Eve. Wishing you sugarplum dreams.

Both

This is the story of two brothers. Two brothers, both born in a country far, far away. Two brothers who now identify themselves as both, not one nationality or the other. Not half. Both. Two brothers who spend their days in Japanese and now have brought it home to play. Left alone, these two brothers now play in Japanese. The older one reprimands the younger one in Japanese, and you know what, the younger one listens. Some of the time. There are jokes between them that we will never laugh at but they find hysterical. There are their demands for orderliness that are lost on us, despite our years of living here.

When we first started this bilingual adventure, we were not fully aware of what was lying in store. Our third-culture kids insist that we expand our expectations to include who they really are. They are a unique sub-culture with a small but feisty membership. I feel very lucky to watch their evolution and know now that they are the true pioneers, going places we have never even considered.
I am also happy that they have each other. Their understanding of each other goes far beyond what we are capable of. Especially when it comes to booty jokes.

And the winner is....

We've been a rather fortunate family. No major calamities, no broken bones, no long hospital stays, no stitches. Lucky, right? I would say so. Eventually the odds are that there will be an incident that breaks that winning streak. Nico is a competitive kid, despite what his sports day photos might suggest. Since suffered the bad luck of being born second, he has done all he can do to catch up and surpass his older brother.



Today he managed what none of the rest of us have managed to do. He fell off a bicycle at school and wound up with five stitches under his chin. I know, gasp, right? I'll give you a moment to recover.

Well, five stitches may seem puny to you but for this mama, it was a rough day. Yet not so rough, in some ways. Like when Nico, the massive 5 year-old that he is, had to be held down by four nurses and one of his teachers. He was screaming his head off (and if you had seen the needle, you would have done the same) and thrashing with all his might. But those ladies did not break into a sweat or a temper. They just gently encouraged him to keep trying, that it was almost over. I remember the doctor visits in the States and the nurses there would have not been so kind. I probably would have been reprimanded for having such a violent child. So that was a blessing.

And while I didn't relish having to witness this (needles and stitches make me queasy and they were very matter of a fact about the procedure) I did feel a surge of pride as Nico battled those sweet caregivers in complete Japanese. Nauseous but proud. Blessing.

Or like how I didn't have his insurance card on me (since it happened right before preschool pick-up time and I didn't know until I arrived and the principal and teacher were waiting with bloody Nico in the car for me and Colette so we could go together...) and the doctor's office said, no problem, just bring it next time. Is that even possible in the States? Could my son receive care immediately upon entering the building and be set to go home within ten minutes, without showing proof of insurance? So, another blessing.

Looking at it from this perspective, I see that Nico didn't break our lucky streak. His minor injury just helped me to understand how strong it really is. And for that, I am truly grateful. Now, if I could just rid myself of the images of that needle, I would be near bliss.

Why, hello there.

We have been swept away in the rapids of school life. It feels like we never, never stop thinking about school. Since the only day we have off all together is Sunday, it is spent preparing for the week ahead. Japanese school kids (and I include my own kids in that group) bring their gym clothes, lunch clothes, room shoes, and other supplies home on Fridays to be washed. So Sunday means that mama does the washing, drying, ironing, packing, homework checking, and nagging. By the time the kids go to bed, their backpacks and side bags are full of fresh clothes and sharpened pencils for the week ahead. And then the next morning the rush begins again. Sebastian, then Jason, then Nico go to school. Then Colette and I clean the house and work on other projects (to be discussed later). And before I know it everyone is home again and it is time for snacks and dinner. There is never a day of rest here and I guess with three kids, what can I expect? There are moments for grasshopper hunting (our pet preying mantises have to eat something) and silly play. Even though it isn't a nap in a hammock that I fantasize about, those moments of playing all together keep us going through another week.