At the seashore

I need the sea because it teaches me.
I don’t know if I learn music or awareness,
if it’s a single wave or its vast existence,
or only its harsh voice or its shining one,
a suggestion of fishes and ships
The fact is that until I fall asleep,
in some magnetic way I move in
the university of the waves.

-Pablo Neruda-

This I can say, we do need the sea.




As our fate unravels only to get tangled into tiresome knots, as all the petty facts of life clamber and claw over us, we need the sea to remind us of the truth. The waves do not knock down our fears or draw away our problems with the tide. We gain something greater, the reminder that we are but tiny phytoplankton with the life expectancy of just a few days.
That truth is incredibly liberating. With our perspective straightened, we are free to work on those knots and stand up under the weight of our nagging concerns.

Home

Home is such a strange term for expats and travelers. Is it where you are from or where you are going? In this house we have multiple definitions for the term, multiple places that qualify. For the kids, Japan is home. Where they were born, learned to walk and talk, learned how to handle chopsticks. Even the oldest two with Florida printed on their birth certificates only really know Japan.

Japan is my adulthood, where I have given birth to two kids and raised the whole lot of them in a tiny apartment. Where I have overcome personal reservations for the good of the whole. Where I came to value precision as much as innovation. Japan suits me in many ways, the wabi sabi aesthetics, the quiet, the appreciation for nature.

Our time in Japan, five years this time, has come to a close. After losing one lackluster job and refusing a few others, I came to the realization that we have outgrown Japan. For now at least. For the way we have been here. Jason and I have figured out the work we need to do in this life and are no longer to delay or sacrifice for a petty security. I cannot justify it any longer. The distractions of being an immigrant are too severe. We need a true stability, a place where we can work on our projects and provide a healthy, loving environment for our kids.

Next month, a few days before Sebastian turns ten, we will fly home. It is to a home that I associate with childhood, a home my children will now include in their memories. We go home to family and friends, to a space large enough to contain us. We go back knowing there is a recession and determined to work and support ourselves by our own wits and hands. Frankly, as much as we love Japan, it is a relief. Jason and I are creatives with four children. Having to worry about visas and language barriers when we just want to get our work done has become frustrating. And the kids are a bit relieved too. They are relieved because we will be homeschooling them so their time will be less regimented. They are sad to lose their friends, sad to leave what they know. They are also excited about the adventure that they consider America to be. They look forward to the strange wilds of Florida, the diversity of people, the chance to play soccer and learn how to surf.

It is a huge change but it feels really right. We are ready to get on with our next chapter. Home is, after all, where the heart is. Home is my family, my work, my friends. These things are not anchored to place. Japan is home, Florida is home, this whole beautiful messed up planet is home. As we progress, humanity will eventually cease to insist on so many boundaries of perceived space. Already many of us consider ourselves to be global citizens, sharing an internationality. For our kids, I have no doubt that they will benefit from a freer world but in the end, I bet they will realize that it is not where you are but what you do while you are there that matters.

Mr. 1

And like that, the earth went around the sun in a flying flash and we have ourselves a giant one year-old Luca.



A sweetheart through and through, Luca was made to be the youngest of four. He is patient and curious and definitely big enough to hold his own. He beat every single milestone record of his siblings, kids who were no slouches themselves. Always busy and usually quiet, Luca fits right into our family.

He really lives up to his name: Luca- light, Haru- Spring. The kid just glows. Happy birthday, my baby boy.

Rock, scissors...

(Gu Choki Pa candy- ramune flavor)

In the next few weeks, we will be able to announce which direction our little family is headed in the river of life. Until then, I can say that I will be resurrecting the Etsy shop or an Etsy shop soon. It will be a collaboration of Jason's and the kids' designs and my hands. I was going to do it before but got swept (rightfully) into the busyness of the kids' flow and my writing. At one point I was really anxious about it all but now, I think I might have struck a decent balance that takes care of everyone. The trick, it turns out, is setting flexible distant deadlines. And being kind and forgiving to yourself. Realizing there are only 24 hours in a day and working within that framework is a lot easier than trying to push the boundaries of time to suit your needs. It is one of those lessons you must learn for yourself. Staying home with the kids means I have a new rhythm in my day, freedom from set schedules but there are certain points which must be met to make family life smoother. Mealtimes. Clean laundry. Story time. Park time. Turns out kids like consistency and food. Luckily they are not so concerned with the finer details of housework and would rather see me making something than dusting. I haven't quite gotten them to appreciate the time I spend at my desk muttering do myself and hunched over my keyboard but that is what the post-bedtime hours are for.
So be on your guard. Gu Choki Pa is back.
xo

Hello September.

Well, we are four months into this whole six person family deal and let me tell you, it is something else.

This guy is a gentle giant weighing in this month at 17.6 pounds and 27 inches long. And he's got three bottom teeth rising out of his gooey gums like pearls.

September means that summer is on its way out and school is back in session (thank goodness). It also means that a certain person around here will celebrate her matching digits birthday by taking a trip to Nara and Kyoto with the whole gang in tow.

I love the mild seasons and look forward to cruising around town on our bikes under the golden ginkgo trees.

Hope all is well with you and yours.

Summer Lovin'

We have been having a blast this summer. Now that everyone is healthy we are making the most of getting outdoors. We only do excursions twice a week since Jason and I are both working on projects that require us to be home. Also, these excursions are a little exhausting and require a bit of recovery time. Like yesterday's trip to the beach. Without a car, getting four littles and their reluctant father to the beach was not an easy feat. We left early and came home late with countless station transfers in between. The sunburnt shoulders are proof that we not only made it to Utsumi Beach, but that we played in the Pacific Ocean for as long as possible.


One of the reasons we are enjoying summer more this year is due to the recent acquisition of the long sought after Family Bicycle. It makes getting around so much easier that for a few days it was hard to keep us indoors (and working on those projects I mentioned earlier).


We have a few more excursions before Nico has to return to kindergarten (for marching band practice of all things). Science museum, zoo, Pokemon movie, and the city fruit park. Sebastian is really excited about the last two things. The lull between the excursions are deemed boring but I think he also likes the lazy days too of reading comic books and building monsters in clay.

Summer is now ranking as the number one season on our charts. How's it going on yours?

How does your garden grow

It has only been a couple of weeks since we started our gardening venture. I am so glad to have brought this into our lives. We all get so much pleasure in watering the plants and watching them thrive. Colette is the Queen of the Watering Can so I have to get out there before she does in the morning to make sure all the plants get watered. And she has learned the valuable lesson of not crushing the plants, or plucking them out of the ground. Now she is very careful and hardly ever plays with their dirt. Sebastian is pleased because the sunflower seeds that he planted, most of the twenty(!) seeds, sprouted and are zooming up in all directions right now. Jason even contributed to the mix by adding that lovely little hydrangea with the perfect antique blue tiny blossoms.

It is an addictive habit, this gardening stuff. This weekend we plan to add eggplant, shiso, rosemary, and salad greens. And we will be starting a little compost container to use all of our kitchen scraps, perhaps using the bokashi method. It is part of my goal of cutting our garbage production in half.

The best thing about this experience has been involving the kids in every step. They already have a natural interest in all things growing (and all things in general, of course) and the boys get to do a little gardening at both of their schools. Colette is happiest when she is digging and using her hands so this new routine of ours is perfect for her. I do worry about their attitude towards the natural world living in a human curated city that is heavy on the concrete and light on the green. This balcony garden of ours has given us a tiny corner of botany and ecology, of responsibility and togetherness. I just wish we had started it sooner.

The Swing of Things

It is March 21st.
Spring has sprung and it is only three weeks until this little one is set to hatch (though with my late children, I am not expecting anything until the end of April). Last week I was hit with a cold that made me inclined for the horizontal rather than vertical activities. Being sick also makes me feel lazy, especially with all the t's I need to cross before next month.

This week I am better and have managed to complete my taxes and other misc. paperwork that had a timestamp blazing. Not fun stuff but necessary stuff.
I have reclaimed my sewing table and have managed a few steps towards completing that massive list I posted before. A reversible jersey knit cap has been made, along with a quilt and a couple of blankets. Today I will finish the little kimono tops and baby towels (they wrap babies up in towels instead of blankets here). I will try to take some pictures later today to share with you.

The closer I get to the due date the closer I find the unnecessary aspects of life falling away. There are a lot of things that will not get made or written and instead of it bothering me, I find relief in that realization. There are a lot of pressing concerns around here, specifically financial worries, but at this particular moment, I am just grateful to be home and have what I do have. When the belts are tightened, it becomes necessary to use what is on hand more than we do if we have a broader income. Lots of bean dishes are being served more often now. Luca's things are being made primarily from samples I had for the shop. And a lot of the things I am making for the shop will also come from what I have in my scrap pile (it's a nice pile).

I am from a generation that started out despising the term "frugal" and has now embraced it as a lifestyle choice. I would rather have less money and more time and now I get to discover the cost of that wish. It takes a lot of grey matter to manage it but the benefits are definitely worth it. I am sincerely grateful for what I have before me right now. Which happens to be a very kissy two year-old who wants my hands to "hurry up" and play with her instead of the keyboard.

Hope you are all doing well. Take care.

Why, hello there.

We have been swept away in the rapids of school life. It feels like we never, never stop thinking about school. Since the only day we have off all together is Sunday, it is spent preparing for the week ahead. Japanese school kids (and I include my own kids in that group) bring their gym clothes, lunch clothes, room shoes, and other supplies home on Fridays to be washed. So Sunday means that mama does the washing, drying, ironing, packing, homework checking, and nagging. By the time the kids go to bed, their backpacks and side bags are full of fresh clothes and sharpened pencils for the week ahead. And then the next morning the rush begins again. Sebastian, then Jason, then Nico go to school. Then Colette and I clean the house and work on other projects (to be discussed later). And before I know it everyone is home again and it is time for snacks and dinner. There is never a day of rest here and I guess with three kids, what can I expect? There are moments for grasshopper hunting (our pet preying mantises have to eat something) and silly play. Even though it isn't a nap in a hammock that I fantasize about, those moments of playing all together keep us going through another week.