Three months in...

I think we'll keep him.

Thoughts of Transition

Now, it is the pleasure of my everyday chores, the warm sunshine of Spring, the songbirds, the children laughing during their recess in the schoolyard next-door.
My heart is ripe with gratitude. How lucky I am to be here, right now.

I want to chronicle the stars and air and sounds for Luca, the setting of his first chapter. Most important, I want to remember this sweet period right before he joins us so that later (perhaps when he is sixteen and pimply, sneaking cigarettes and breaking curfew) I will have something luxurious and soft to pull from my battered mothering box, a cloak to wrap around my sweet boy and protect him from my easy judgments and exasperations.

Every mother has a pile of these memories, perched on the edge of our minds, at the ready.

These quiet, mundane weeks before Luca is born are now ready to be folded and put away. I can feel a shift occurring in my body and mind. Every minute lived is another minute closer to Luca. Soon I will have memories of woven with details that only a parent can savor, like those tiny, tiny fingernails and the way his eyelids will flutter while he is lost in newborn dreams.

The whole family seems to sense the transition. Every morning I wake up surrounded by my children, all of them quietly vying for my attention, even if it is just passive physical contact. They perhaps sense that my attention will stray for a little while, to be focused on a little one instead of homework assignments and skinned knees. The boys are more understanding but I wonder how Colette will respond to this coup. In these days before she loses the Baby crown, I am kissing those sweet cheeks just a little more often, giving her more time to gather her rocks and dig in the sand at the playground. I think she will like the Big Sister crown just as well, though it might fit a little awkwardly at first.

Me, Myself, and I

I had my weekly doctor's visit today and it was predicted by his swift judgment that I still have another week to go. I am actually hoping Luca will want to be born on the 21st since it will make my kids a complete cusp set (Sebastian-20th, Nico-22nd, Colette-23rd).

I always feel a little fatigued after seeing the regular doctor and always have to transform into self-doula mode to raise my spirits. It isn't easy giving birth in a place where we are essentially on our own. After two years in Nagoya, we do have quite a few friends, yet it is not normal in Japan to rely on such relationships during times like this. Typically pregnant women return to their parents' house the month before the birth and remain there until the one month baby check-up following the birth. It is a nice tradition for those who can take advantage of it but for a mama like myself, it means that I am more isolated than most.

Of course, I went through this before with Colette and lived on a tiny island for that one so I am experienced. It does increase my sense of self-sufficiency but I can't help but envy those women who do have parents in the country to help them during such a vulnerable time. My own parents have helped me tremendously in their own way but I wish they had decided to retire in Okinawa instead of St. Augustine, Florida. Similar climates and much easier for us to travel to.

Yet there is no sense in feeling sorry for myself. I just must remember that this is the one disadvantage that balances all those advantages we have living in Japan. And also I must recall that amazing sense of victory I felt at the end of Colette's active but gentle birth. It made me feel akin to women who go off by themselves to give birth in the bush. Such a peaceful and natural event, so unlike the experience promoted by those who wish to profit from childbirth.

At the end, I feel all I can say is ganbatte to myself and just try and stay sunny. A pursuit made easier by the return of actual sunshine pouring through my window.

Due Date

Well, here we are on my estimated due date, and a Friday the 13th no less. This is the day when the patience from most of those around me dwindles.  They (and by they, it is possible that I am including you in the equation) suddenly realize how long a full-term pregnancy actually is (basically 10 months) and the fact that I stubbornly continue to remain in this encumbered state is simply unacceptable.
Luckily for them (and perhaps you as well) I am patient enough for everyone. In two weeks, if Luca hasn't made his entrance into this world, then perhaps my tune will change.
For now though, I am okay. Luca is okay. Between now and two weeks, he will decide on a birthday and manage to escape his warm womb to be embraced by a family that is somewhat ready to meet him. Since this is my fourth child (for those of you who lost count) I know that a due date is not an expiration date. I also know that when he does decide to come, he will come. I even look forward to the occasion (as nuts as that might sound).

Until Luca's birthday, I will waddle through my days, filling out school forms in crummy Japanese, blowing bubbles at the park, and eating way too much ice. My hospital bags are packed, the pantry is stocked with cornflakes, ramen noodles, and rice and there is nothing left to do but enjoy these last moments before the Luca revolution begins. Based on my previous experience, I know that the change will be so radical it will soon be hard to remember a time when he wasn't in our lives. Until that occurs, I plan to savor all the moments I can with his fellow revolutionaries, those loving siblings who have so successfully scrambled my memory that I am rather sure they were with me during my youth, blowing out the candles on my own birthday cakes.





Also, a big shout-out to my mother-in-law who celebrates another year survived on this blue and green ball today. I know she is hopeful that Luca will be the most considerate of her grandkids and decide he wants to share her birthday. All I can say is that the day is young and though there is no indication he might want to be one of the rare ones who are born on their due dates, there are plenty of hours left for him to change his mind.
(And, just so grandma knows, we signed her birthday cards last week but made the mistake of trusting them in the care of her eldest son. So please look for your birthday cards a few days late but know that we  didn't forget your birthday...)
Omedetou gozaimasu! Happy Birthday!

Breaking Spring

Spring break is almost at an end. Most of my maternity leave up until this point has meant a house full of energetic kids which, for this gigantically pregnant mama, is a bit exhausting. Not many pictures to document our days as they are more of a swirling vortex of drawing pads, meals, dishes to be washed, fights to be broken up, jump ropes and soccer balls, toilet training, and the constant reminder to "BE QUIET". They start early here as the sunrises around 4:45 am now and no amount of curtain can stop Nico from rising with the sun. Of course, I assume our neighbors are not so in tune with nature's cycles so this involves a bit of stress from parents who also prefer to wait until a more decent hour for rising. The good thing is that the boys go to bed around 8:00 pm and fall into a deep, uninterrupted sleep until their early wake-up time.

Tuesday saw a tremendously strong storm hit Japan (though it was not a typhoon, just to be clear). In some places, the winds were up to 100 miles per hour. About five people were killed in the storm and hundreds injured. It hit Nagoya in the afternoon and stayed for a few hours. Talk about cabin fever at the end of that day.

Now it is gorgeous. Birds are singing, the kids are painting and reading, and I am about to go to the doctor's office for my weekly check to see how Luca is cooking up. It is hard for me to fathom the fact that he can decide to come at any time now. So hard in fact that I have put off buying the items necessary for bringing to the hospital. I have decided that today is the day to get all that shopping over with. A good step forward in facing the reality which in turn means getting my head in a good place, the best birth preparation I can embark on.

Also, I just wanted to give a shout-out to all the friends, neighbors, former students, and of course family members who have generously given presents to little Luca. We really appreciate your thoughtfulness and kindness. Thank you so much!

I'll try to be a daily poster for a bit so that you will won't have to worry about Mr. Luca's arrival.

Take care. xoxo

Mr. Luca and Mr. Nico/ルカくんとニコライくん

Since the arrival of Spring, we are rarely indoors enough to drop in here. Yet I know that when a pregnant lady nears the finish line, people get more curious about how the race is going. To reassure you, I just thought I would pop in here to say: all is well. After all, look at that face. How could we not be well with such a plump little one on the way? He is already measuring about 7.5 pounds. And I still have a few weeks to tilt the scales a little more.

Just from the cheeks and lips alone you can tell that little Luca is one of my kids.

And his massive forehead makes me think that he'll favor Nico, which is appropriate since Nico was the one who made me think I was pregnant in the first place. I was probably only one or two weeks along when Nico started a strange habit of sneaking into my bed in the morning and placing his hands on my belly. I'd ask him what he was doing and he would say he was feeling the baby. This habit carried on for so long that I decided to take a home test, you know, just to check. Imagine my surprise... Instances like that really make you wonder how much control you have over your destiny and how much better children understand the workings of the universe than adults.

One thing I do know is that I am happy that soon these brothers will unite. Nico has been waiting for Luca for a long time (and has now adopted the borderline annoying habit of continuously asking when Luca will arrive...). And looking at my big guy Nico makes me extremely patient in these final weeks because I know it will be just a matter of seconds before Luca is not only in my arms but running around with the rest of the gang.



It really does go too fast, doesn't it?

xoxo

Gasp...is it almost that time already?

Incredibly I have only 4 more days of work ahead of me. I can hardly believe it. Most of this winter has passed in a blur of teaching, sleeping, being ill, and taking care of various kid-related needs. I am almost 34 weeks pregnant and have been down for the count AGAIN this past week due to whatever was going around. My lowered immunity means that I am like black corduroy for lint. I look forward to being cloistered in my snug apartment with only the germs of my beloved filtering in. This is my first time in four pregnancies that I have worked this far into my pregnancy so come March 3rd, I am going to be a happy woman.

Part of slowing down means focusing on the fact that we will have a new baby here in a few short weeks. Luckily, having had a baby not so long ago, we do still have the basics such as baby carriers and a floor rocker. Unfortunately for Luca, most of the clothes for the previous baby are pink so that is something we must work on stockpiling in these next few weeks. He'll be a spring baby but spring in Nagoya is rather cool until the end of May usually so his earliest clothes will need to be long and warm. I do have plans to make some of his clothes but my plans and my reality rarely meet as I expect them to. So for those aunties and grannies out there looking for something to send, I would suggest looking in the used clothing shops or discount bins for footed rompers or coveralls. And socks are always a great thing too.

Another thing I would like to do is to use cloth instead of paper diapers. Besides for the ecological benefits, we are also going to be on a tight budget this next year so I believe it would be economically advantageous for us to give it a go. It is something I have always wanted to try but since I have never been home full-time with any of my infants, it was always off the table. I am thinking of ordering something like this starter set, something good for cloth diapering novices.

I am also searching the auction boards for my own mama chari, a bicycle that can carry Luca in the front and Colette in the back. The boys both have their own bikes and I think that this would be a good option even for neighborhood errands. Nico's only in school from 8:45-2:45 which really doesn't leave a lot of time for doing errands on foot. And in the summer time I think it would be nice to be able to bike around as a family instead of hoofing it on the melting pavement.

Another thing that I plan to implement since I will be queen of apartment #202 is to switch to a whole foods, macrobiotic based diet for the whole family. Again ecological and economical at the same time. We'll be planting some of our first plants in the balcony garden this next week or two now that the weather is leaning towards spring (though still dipping past freezing some nights).
It is shaping up to be a very domestically-minded year, something I am truly excited about.

Of course, I do have other plans as well but being sick recently has taught me that I need to focus on the core before working on the periphery. Like school supplies over art supplies. Reading skills for the boys over writing books. That sort of thing. But I am sure with a whole year ahead of me, I can manage to fit in everything. Just a matter of patience and diligence, which are part of that core as well.

Now, time to make some soup and rice and get everything ready for the start of another school week. Hope you are all well. Take care.

(13)

You might have noticed that Colette appears here more than her elders. That has to do with the fact that Colette is the only weekday child for the time being. Most of our time outside the house with Colette is spent encouraging her to move faster or trying to keep up with her. Ever since I realized there would be a new occupant in the backpack/stroller, I knew it was necessary to wean her from such modes of transport. It is not a convenient option for us sometimes but she has taught us to slow (or quicken) our pace, making us more aware of the wonders to be found in a simple walk around the block. And at the same time she has reformed her own pace to keep mostly in stride with us and no longer jumps around in front of oncoming traffic. (Before you have a heart attack, let me clarify that when I say oncoming, it really means blocks away.) Now instead of feeling like a shepherdess when we go outside, I can enjoy the insights of our little pedestrians better.

(7)

It is winter. All day long at work, or later grocery shopping, all I heard people talking about was how incredibly cold it was. We shouldn't be surprised, as it is January. Yet the two extreme seasons do have a knack of sneaking up on you. The mild beginnings make you drop your guard. You begin to look forward to the coming chill or heat, wondering why you complained so much about it last year. Then you remember, just as a strong gust of frozen air tries to knock you off your bike. This is what winter is.

Yet, I haven't complained so much about it this year. Not yet at least. You see, we have an apartment that is essentially snug and warm in the winter. If you know anything about Japanese apartments (or if you visit my old haunts for a reference), you know that typically it is colder inside that out in the winter. But not in this apartment. This most likely explains why I avoid ever leaving my house and moan fiercely if I have to go buy rice or go all the way to work. I am perfectly content to stay indoors, sipping on some rooibos tea with my feet secure in their leg warmer-slippers.

And staying indoors is good for our artistic pursuits as well. Sebastian and Nico have been churning out some amazing drawings lately featuring Nico the Superhero among a collection of Mario Brothers and pals. Jason's been back to work on his figures and I have had the sewing machine plugged all week. I will try and capture some of our creative output on film tomorrow. But for now, I think I will have another cup of tea.

I hope you are warm and well wherever you may be. Take care.
xoxo

(4)

Yesterday we went to our local Shinto shrine to exchange our hamaya and do a mellow version of hatsumode. Now we have our new dragon arrow hanging inside the door, warding off the demons but encouraging the good fortune to enter our little abode. We also picked up a little ceramic dragon bell to add to our collection. We are quite the menagerie come April: a snake, two goats, a dog, a cow, and a dragon.

The Counting Game

One...

Two...

Three...

Four...


Surprised? We were too. But now that I am 24 weeks we have gotten used to the idea. It wasn't meant to be a secret. Time just got away from me. And now that we know it's a _____ we can start The Naming Game, one of my favorites.