Three months in...

I think we'll keep him.

Thoughts of Transition

Now, it is the pleasure of my everyday chores, the warm sunshine of Spring, the songbirds, the children laughing during their recess in the schoolyard next-door.
My heart is ripe with gratitude. How lucky I am to be here, right now.

I want to chronicle the stars and air and sounds for Luca, the setting of his first chapter. Most important, I want to remember this sweet period right before he joins us so that later (perhaps when he is sixteen and pimply, sneaking cigarettes and breaking curfew) I will have something luxurious and soft to pull from my battered mothering box, a cloak to wrap around my sweet boy and protect him from my easy judgments and exasperations.

Every mother has a pile of these memories, perched on the edge of our minds, at the ready.

These quiet, mundane weeks before Luca is born are now ready to be folded and put away. I can feel a shift occurring in my body and mind. Every minute lived is another minute closer to Luca. Soon I will have memories of woven with details that only a parent can savor, like those tiny, tiny fingernails and the way his eyelids will flutter while he is lost in newborn dreams.

The whole family seems to sense the transition. Every morning I wake up surrounded by my children, all of them quietly vying for my attention, even if it is just passive physical contact. They perhaps sense that my attention will stray for a little while, to be focused on a little one instead of homework assignments and skinned knees. The boys are more understanding but I wonder how Colette will respond to this coup. In these days before she loses the Baby crown, I am kissing those sweet cheeks just a little more often, giving her more time to gather her rocks and dig in the sand at the playground. I think she will like the Big Sister crown just as well, though it might fit a little awkwardly at first.

Due Date

Well, here we are on my estimated due date, and a Friday the 13th no less. This is the day when the patience from most of those around me dwindles.  They (and by they, it is possible that I am including you in the equation) suddenly realize how long a full-term pregnancy actually is (basically 10 months) and the fact that I stubbornly continue to remain in this encumbered state is simply unacceptable.
Luckily for them (and perhaps you as well) I am patient enough for everyone. In two weeks, if Luca hasn't made his entrance into this world, then perhaps my tune will change.
For now though, I am okay. Luca is okay. Between now and two weeks, he will decide on a birthday and manage to escape his warm womb to be embraced by a family that is somewhat ready to meet him. Since this is my fourth child (for those of you who lost count) I know that a due date is not an expiration date. I also know that when he does decide to come, he will come. I even look forward to the occasion (as nuts as that might sound).

Until Luca's birthday, I will waddle through my days, filling out school forms in crummy Japanese, blowing bubbles at the park, and eating way too much ice. My hospital bags are packed, the pantry is stocked with cornflakes, ramen noodles, and rice and there is nothing left to do but enjoy these last moments before the Luca revolution begins. Based on my previous experience, I know that the change will be so radical it will soon be hard to remember a time when he wasn't in our lives. Until that occurs, I plan to savor all the moments I can with his fellow revolutionaries, those loving siblings who have so successfully scrambled my memory that I am rather sure they were with me during my youth, blowing out the candles on my own birthday cakes.





Also, a big shout-out to my mother-in-law who celebrates another year survived on this blue and green ball today. I know she is hopeful that Luca will be the most considerate of her grandkids and decide he wants to share her birthday. All I can say is that the day is young and though there is no indication he might want to be one of the rare ones who are born on their due dates, there are plenty of hours left for him to change his mind.
(And, just so grandma knows, we signed her birthday cards last week but made the mistake of trusting them in the care of her eldest son. So please look for your birthday cards a few days late but know that we  didn't forget your birthday...)
Omedetou gozaimasu! Happy Birthday!

Mr. Luca and Mr. Nico/ルカくんとニコライくん

Since the arrival of Spring, we are rarely indoors enough to drop in here. Yet I know that when a pregnant lady nears the finish line, people get more curious about how the race is going. To reassure you, I just thought I would pop in here to say: all is well. After all, look at that face. How could we not be well with such a plump little one on the way? He is already measuring about 7.5 pounds. And I still have a few weeks to tilt the scales a little more.

Just from the cheeks and lips alone you can tell that little Luca is one of my kids.

And his massive forehead makes me think that he'll favor Nico, which is appropriate since Nico was the one who made me think I was pregnant in the first place. I was probably only one or two weeks along when Nico started a strange habit of sneaking into my bed in the morning and placing his hands on my belly. I'd ask him what he was doing and he would say he was feeling the baby. This habit carried on for so long that I decided to take a home test, you know, just to check. Imagine my surprise... Instances like that really make you wonder how much control you have over your destiny and how much better children understand the workings of the universe than adults.

One thing I do know is that I am happy that soon these brothers will unite. Nico has been waiting for Luca for a long time (and has now adopted the borderline annoying habit of continuously asking when Luca will arrive...). And looking at my big guy Nico makes me extremely patient in these final weeks because I know it will be just a matter of seconds before Luca is not only in my arms but running around with the rest of the gang.



It really does go too fast, doesn't it?

xoxo

The Counting Game

One...

Two...

Three...

Four...


Surprised? We were too. But now that I am 24 weeks we have gotten used to the idea. It wasn't meant to be a secret. Time just got away from me. And now that we know it's a _____ we can start The Naming Game, one of my favorites.